Saturday 31 July 2010

Midnight

I'm just waiting for Sarah to come home with foods - I'm so hungry.

She bought curry. It feels weird that Sarah bought dinner.

Its like - SARAH IS BIG AND OLD!!!

And that's so weird considering I remember holding her in my arms when her hands were smaller than my ears.

-----

So yes, we had dinner and shizz.

It late but mum and dad are still not home, which is irritating since I would LOVE to sleep right now.

I'm listening to the Goong OST because it is very soothing.

But I'm so bored now!!! My happiness is eating breakfast rofl.

I finished Avatar: The Last Airbender, it was WONDERFUL.

I loved loved loved it!!!!

I'm so glad Aang didn't end up killing the fire Lord and that he got together with Katara haha.

I was so rooting for those two right from the start.

Ohhh, I'm so desperately sleepy. I've been having way too many late nights. And I can't wait to wash my hair. Too tired now though, I'll do that in the morning.

*sniff* I miss avatar, I wish they would make a few special episodes or something...but I guess they don't want to ruin what is an already perfect ending.

Its a shame the live action had bad reviews, but to be honest - did people think It would be as good as the cartoons?? It's just not going to be. they should just watch it for what it is. I will go and see it when it comes out and give my opinion...I can now :D

OO mum and dad are home, which means I can go to beds!!! woohoo!!!

Good Night Dear Ones

From Minnie :)

{FICTION} So Close - Prologue Part 2

Prologue - Part 2 -

Somewhere in the present.

I am about to record an summary of the events that occurred in the few months after I was born.

All this information was given to me by my dad over the course of my life and I think should be recorded for the sake of my family, friends and because it is important not to forget.

I don’t know what I would do if I had the power to change what happened back then. Would I be a different person now? Would I be happier?

But I never had a choice – maybe some day I will – maybe.

First of all, I will introduce myself.

My name is Kiandra Day also known as Kendra, which is just a lazy way of saying Kiandra.

I was born in the year 1986 on a cold December morning – that’s what daddy tells me anyway.

I’ve been told that childbirth brings with it severe pain – the worst pain a person can naturally experience.

However as soon as that new born baby is placed in the mothers arms, the pain would be forgotten as if it had never even happened.

In the case of my mother the pain would have been twice as hard to bare because I wasn’t the only person to be born that day. My sister Ember came into the world just a few minutes before I did.

I have told myself a thousand times that the hurt and discomfort must have been too much for my mother – that she was too young to understand how much my sister and I would have loved her – how she would never know what a huge space she left in our lives.

A space we were constantly aware of, but tried to ignore.

Even now I still get that desperate feeling in the pit of my stomach. Those moments when I just need the hug of a mother, but she’s not there – ever, and I feel so completely hopeless.

No one could ever fill the gap she left ... not even the love of my life.

She left us at the hospital that day.

Deserted us and left us with an ignorant and scared father – who at 18 years of age was not nearly adequate or ready enough for the responsibility of one daughter, never mind two.

He once let us read the letter she left him, it was as cold as ice, but even now I can’t bring myself to believe she was completely heartless.

I don’t know if my dad loved her, when we speak of her he keeps an impressively pristine poker face. When other people ask him about her he says,

‘She was just a girl I knew once for about 11 months, but I’m eternally grateful to her, she gave me my most treasured possessions, I’m only sorry she didn’t want to share them with me.’

Maybe he did love her. I don’t think he ever had another girlfriend after her. All he cares about is his work and his daughters and our grandma.

Grandma is the best person I will ever know. Our grandfather was a millionaire, but she still made my father work hard for his own fortune rather than inherit it all. She knows life is hard and people have to learn to live it – it can’t be lived for us.

She is strong and brave and if I could be like anyone it would be her.

When we were left alone with daddy, she took control straight away, taking care of legalities, making sure right at the start we would have a firm foundation to our lives – taking charge of the baby girls who would never have a mother.

She pretty much raised us. Daddy wasn’t much help during his first years of parenthood. He had a lot to learn, but she was the perfect teacher. Though, at some points she did seem to treat him cruel.

For example, she never gave him financial support. Even when he begged her.

‘I’ll help with the girls, but you have to be a man and support them – you are a father now, you have to act like one’

So he tried his best. He dropped school and used the money he had saved for university to make a down payment on a small house. He then got a job working at an art gallery as a technician – one of those people who are trained in the special skills of how to clean and pack and move priceless art collections. The pay was decent, but when I became very ill with pneumonia at 9 months old it wasn’t enough.

He had not accounted for hospital bills. And I suppose if he had, I wouldn’t even be writing this.
I was rushed to hospital and was given full treatment. Grandma was away at the time. I think she would have paid the hospital fees, but daddy freaked out with the stress he was feeling and he made a deal that would change my life forever.

A doctor of psychology called Doctor James Heart offered to pay financial support for my education and health fee’s for my entire life if dad would agree to let me be a part of a scientific study that he was currently working on.

Basically the suggestion was this - as soon as I was able to read and write, I would compose a letter once a week to a male of a similar age whom I would correspond with, but would never meet. Twice a year Doctor Heart would give me a survey to fill with questions about my friend and he would record my answers and compare them year after year.

Doctor Heart told my father that this was his life’s work and that it would make a breakthrough into learning more about how the human mind works. He said that soon in the future people would be corresponding without ever having to meet and he wanted to direct his investigation into how healthy this would be for the human mind.

To my young and naive father, the pros in this situation far outweighed the con’s and he made the agreement there and then in the hospital.

I would write a letter once a week from the age of four to whatever age I was when the Doctor decided he had enough data to make a result and conclusion.

There were specific rules -

First, the letter would have to be in electronic format – our house was provided with a computer with which I could type and print it out. I never knew why I couldn’t just write it by hand.

Second, once printed, the letter would be taken to Doctor Heart and he would personally send it – he would also send the replies from my friend back to me.

Third, the two correspondents were not allowed to meet while the research was taking place – ever.

And finally – if any of the rules were broken the financial support for my education and health would be cut off.

And that was it. All nicely tied up and seemingly innocent.

My father was pleased with himself at the time. He was helping me and helping scientific research, it seemed a win/win situation.

So my future was secure when it came to finances...but as for my mental stability, well, that’s one for the future to decide.

All I know is – I am that weird girl in class who depends on an imaginary friend to make her feel loved and alive.

Except my friend is real.

But that’s what all people with imaginary friends say

...isn’t it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

So the second part isss donneee :)
To be honest I'm not quiet sure about it.
Not sure if it makes sense - I wrote half of it at 1am in the morning lolol
I hope you like it anyway. Im trying to make it interesting and mysterious as possible without being completely confusing rofl!!!

I shall bloggeroo later.

:D

Love Minnehhh!

Thursday 29 July 2010

Now its so Clear That I Need You Near

I found out I could sign up to the job centre online.

Which means I don't have to go to the scary office in town...

Yeah, I can handle ferocious dogs and other such creatures, but when it comes to office people I shiver with fear...

Well maybe not that bad.

It's just...

I'm really afraid of boring stuff. kekeke

Speaking of fearsome creatures, check this bad boy out -



and yes, you have to watch it sideways, because I held the camera the wrong way round....

I sometimes have those sudden noob moments, bare with me, I try my best XD

Anyway, today I have literally done NOTHING

Apart from watching Book 2 of Avatar.

And yes, I have watched the entire book - well not completely, but I will have in about 2 episodes.

It's just freaking addictive, and after I found out I didn't need to leave the house today, I thought,

'What the heck!'


Its not like I have any friends to hang out with around here.

I'm on the last epi now btw :D

I like the bit about everything being connected.

'The biggest illusion out there is that of separation.'


Comforting really, because I have a huge peeve with separation at the moment.

If separation was a person I'd want to kick it to death.

Or at least torture it until it felt the pain it had caused everyone else...or rather, the pain it's caused me.

Loooool, I have a strange way of thinking don't I? It's just, I take bad situations very personal *sigh*

I've just been informed that

'Michelle, It's your turn to wash up.'


When is it ever NOT my turn?

I ALWAYS wash, Sarah sometimes dries.

It is the circle of life....of dishes.

----

I finished Book Two!!!!!!!

TT__TT

IT WAS WONDERFUL!!!!!! LOVED the battle at the end, it was completely wicked from ever angle.

Katara looked like an angel when she saved Aang, it was such a pretty sequence.

But I was sad Zuko chose to join his bum faced sister...I expect him to make up for his actions in Book Three, otherwise I will not be happy with him haha.

He is SO my favourite character though...he has a very sexy voice ._.

If big bang were to be the characters of Avatar

G Dragon would be Aang

Bae would be Katara

TOP would be Zuko

Seungri would be Toph

and

Dae would be Sokka

Well the Seungri and Dae ones don't really match, but meh

My big bang Toy Story Characters was better, but I wrote that one on BBVIP :D

-----

I was going to restrain myself from starting the next book tonight but....I JUST NEED MORE!!!!!!!!!!!

Its how I distract myself when I'm missing the hell out of someone...

God, I've become so needy -.-

Apparently I've changed too.

I was at my friends house last night and her hubby was like,

'So Minnie what's been up with you for the past 6 months?'


I was like,

'What? Nothing, why?'


and he was like,

'No it's just like, you seem more girly for the past 6 months or so.'


and I say,

'I am a girl.'
-.-

And then he goes,

'Is there a reason for this change?? When are you thinking of getting married?'


and then I freaking change the subject....married??? DUDE!!!

but honestly....have I changed??

And if so....oh man!!!

>_<

I am utterly defeated....this irritates me a lot -.-

So helpless it shows lololol...eish

----

When Sarah and I were washing up before she suddenly said,

'Wow min!!! You are taller today!!!'


and I looked at her and saw her head was level with mine and got a bit shocked,

then I looked down and saw she was bending her knees.

then she pointed at me and went.

'HAHAHAHA.'


She thinks she is very funny sometimes, but I dunno

:D

Anyway bedtimes and sleepy's...I'm up to chapter 5 of the fire book!!! woohoo

*sigh*

Prince Zuko...I want to dream about him tonight muahahaa....ohhh I dislike his girlfriend though...she just is PFTFFTTTTTT.

Though instead of hot cartoon fire benders I will probably end up dreaming about the letter i not being capitalized when its should be capitalized!!!!!

Love from,

A very tired Minnie. (because its 1:30am)

Tuesday 27 July 2010

Not Even A Little Bit, Not Even at All

I just remembered how much I loved the movie '10 Things I hate About You'

Its such a funny and sweet film, even if it is based on the Taming of the Shrew, the most gender degrading Shakespeare play ever written :D haha

It's weird how I still remember the first time I watched it. I was at a sleepover at my best friends house and my friends were all spazzing over Heath Ledger and saying how he looked so different with blonde hair. I couldn't care less though because I was all for Freddy Prinze Jnr. back then rofl. WELLLL I couldn't help it!!! He had brown eyes and dark hair, cute smile and I liked his voice. 4 outstanding reasons why I could not resist hahaha.

Then he got married to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and broke my heart, my only consolation being that her middle name was Michelle.

I just looked him up, he looks well old now :S

Awww but they had a baby last year!!! Thats so sweet!!

....actually, I don't care LOL.

Anyway, If you haven't seen '10 Things I Hate About You' you should watch it!!

Basically it's about a guy who gets paid to get a girl to fall for him and she does - then she finds out what he did and writes this poem -

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you're not around,
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
Not even close…
Not even a little bit…
Not even at all.



Obviously its a lot more complicated than how I described it, but I don't want to ruin the experience for you when/if you watch it.

He shouldn't have been mean to her like that anyway, not after she flashed the teacher as a distraction so he could sneak out of detention :D

haha

Though actually I remember watching it at that sleepover and all we could comment on were how small her boobs were...you don't see them or anything, we were just like,

'Why is she flashing? There is obviously nothing to flash.'


but then we were just mincing jealous little 12 year olds feeling self conscious because she was pretty and skinny and we had blemishes on our faces and puppy fat.

----

Its funny how I got more friend requests now I changed my profile picture on FB.

They mustn't have realized it was me when my cow was there, even though who else do they know called Minnie???

Maybe I should just revert back to the cow, I love it more anyway...

----

You know what else I love?

The Little Mermaid

It's gorgeous!!

I'm just stalking tumblr and found the disney princesses blog ROFL

Its sparked my love for hand drawn animation back to its maximum.

And aren't they just so magical.

When I was a little girl I used want to be the Little Mermaid and have a talking fish.

Mum said she used to hear me singing the songs to my teddies from my room, back before Sarah arrived.

Then I saw the Lion King and fell in love with it. It's so amazing I could cry...actually it's so amazing I DO cry...every time.

Though my dad makes a mockery of the romantic scene. He's like,

'How can lions sing love songs to each other.'


I'm like

'DADDY you are ruining the moment IT's BEAUTIFUL!!!!'


and he's like,

'You are so silly Michelle.'


And I'm like

-.-

But all though The Lion King is my favourite, I adore all the others too...

Beauty and the Beast
Aladdin
Tarzan
Sleeping Beauty
...etc etc!!!

You just CANNOT beat them

And the Water effects in the Little Mermaid stun me every time...maybe that's where my love of the ocean came from, ITS SO PRETTY!!!!! And I love the part at the end where her father giver her legs and the water goes all sparkly and she runs to prince Eric in that beautiful sparkly dress and lives happily ever after LOLOL

Oh Dear...maybe that's where I get my delusional idea of romance from too.

Disney Princesses always get the prince in the end don't they.

They are my role models ^_^

Well, I have to do a Cinderella now and clean the bathroom.

Have a lovely afternoon/evening/night/morning darlings

Love Minnie

Monday 26 July 2010

My twisted thinking tells me that we should argue, because I love the making up

My mum came up to me the other day while I was washing dishes and said,

'Would you and Sarah like to go to Japan next year?'


I felt like saying,

'DO FISH SWIM?'


but I just said,

'Yes'


because answering a question with another question is confusing sometimes.

Remember how I said the kids we babysit for are half Japanese and are moving to Japan?

Well their mum invited us over and my mum trusts her to take care of us hahah...well to take care of Sarah.

You see my parents don't mind me going anywhere, but if I want to bring Sarah along there are instant arguments about how she is too young and I'm not responsible enough and how I'm a bad example etc etc. ~

They would quite happily let me go to the moon alone if I wished...

but anyway this time it involves a 'responsible adult' so mum is happy for us to go.

Though...mum did bring up the failed Singapore excursion as well and look how wonderfully that turned out -.-

My uncle was in Japan last week and on the last night there was a minor earthquake and he got scared hahaha. At first he woke up and saw my cousins bed shaking and he thought my cousin was having like a seizure or something. And then he realized it wasn't the bed that was shaking but the entire building hahaha.

But at least it was a memorable last night in Japan XD

My other Uncle is going to Malaysia (KL to be exact) in September to visit friends. He lived there for six years so he has like an attachment to it.

All our family are well travelled except our little section My uncle (Malaysia one) has been to almost every country in Europe and Asia. He has lived in so many countries. Cos he is a business rep...he had to be away from home a lot, but his kids are all grown up and moved out and his wife is pretty busy with life so it was all good for him.

I wish I can get a job like that...obviously, I don't have the wife and kids to worry about so that's a bonus...I mean husband LOL

and even if I did have them, I would take them with me, cos I think its a good experience.

I'm so glad we moved to different cities through my childhood, I can't imagine how boring it must be to live in the same place all the time. It gives you a wider look at life and people.

People change so much from city to city like for example -

Manchester my birthplace - the people are very chatty and quite happy though they can be quite stupid at times and only like talking if its about themselves. There are of course the exceptions, but I have been tainted by horrific examples of native Manchester humans...I'm so glad I wasn't too influenced by them...on the plus side, hello Manchester United and my grandparents :)

Bradford - There is a high south Asian population there so a lot of the people you know are either Indian Or Pakistani and you get exposed to the culture of those places - and the food - hence, my love of curry. MMMM I could just eat some now. I have very fond memories of this place...lots of my firsts happened there :D (first bike, first pet, first kiss, first school, first sibling, first snow, first crush etc etc.)

after Bradford we went back to live in Manchester for 4 years and then came to..

Leeds - this is the place I wanted to come to the least, but was grateful I came in the end. I HATED Leeds at first, mainly because of my fearsome dislike for the football team here LOL (still hate them, we call the stadium - the Devils Seat). I've lived in Leeds the longest than anywhere else now, but I feel its time we moved again...or at least I moved haha...itchy feet. The best part about Leeds was that I was able to get a dog...my bedroom is also amazingly awesome. :) I have lots of great memories here, most of which are shared with my sister...I never really made serious friends here apart from people at church...but my sister is enough anyway.

I still cant say that I like Leeds though :S even after 9 years.

And all I want to know is, where will we be next???

Its kind of an exciting prospect.

Something just made me DDDDDDD:

:S SOME PEOPLE ARE WEIRDO'S!! HOW CAN YOU DISLIKE A YOUNGBAE SONG???? D:

TTT_______TTT

*overheats and explodes*

OHHH

I'm happy to say my doggy did a good poo. It wasn't the best kind, but it had no blood on it, so by tomorrow Im hoping his digestive system is behaving normally.

Right now he is lying on the end of my bed and running in his sleep ^_^

I wonder what he is chasing? haha

I can smell chocolate and coconut too...hmmmm...feel a bit sick actually.

Im gonna detox tomorrow and just drink water.

Mind you, it nearly is tomorrow. I still haven't signed up to the job centre.
Me and dad had a small argument about it.
But he was mainly annoyed at my bad attitude, because I'm really irritable tonight.

I really should sleep. Not done a lot today, but I'm tired anyway.

Oh the life of a young adult.

Always tired
Always Inspired
Always tempted
Always tormented

But never doing anything about it all.

Who cares anyway?

All I want is to love and be loved.
It sounds so easy, but its so freaking hard.

Love From Minnie

Good Night :)



*whistles*

New Week Ahead...

If there is one thing that will most definitely upset me it's this -

Sammy being poorly.

Which he has been, for the past three days.

I thought it was just a usual tummy upset caused by him eating something that wouldn't agree with his doggy gastrointestinal system but then last night his poo had blood in it.

This of course sets me on a track of overthinking - the thing I promised the day before I would try not to do.

So I'm stood in grandmas kitchen looking at Sam's sad eyes which are looking back at me and start to get upset and teary.

Then Sarah's like

'Don't worry min it will be ok.'


and grandma is like,

'Blood in poo is pretty normal with diarrhoea cases...just don't let him strain too much. But if it's worse tomorrow take him to the vet'


Then on the way home I was sat in the car asking God to make him better or give whatever he has to me LOLLLL.

I'm so silly, God is nice, why would he want to do that? XD

But anyway after I got over my silliness - because I do get pathetic when Sammy is ill.

I just prayed for him to be healthy and decided to have faith in that. It just relaxes me so much, just to believe that he will get better.

It's worked every time before.

I'm so glad I believe in a higher power, I assume the people who don't feel quite helpless at times, but when all friends and family fail, just having someone else to rant to is just great.

And to be honest He is the all powerful God after all so maybe I should have asked Him for help first rather than acting pathetic - He can do anything *sigh*

It is harder when an animal is ill because they can't tell you where it hurts or how they feel. It's quite a helpless feeling.

There was one time when Sammy went paralysed and couldn't stand up and I just turned into an emotional wreck, crying and stuff and then Sarah saw me and started crying too...and Sam was just looking up at us like,

'Um, help.'


My mum literally had to shout at me to make me snap out of it. She was like,

'MICHELLE, HOW IS CRYING GOING TO HELP HIM? CALL THE EMERGENCY VET.'


I have like this silent fear of losing the things I love, maybe it's because lots of people I thought cared for me walked out of my life.

It's something I had a problem getting over.

I think you give love freely, but kind of expect some sort of love back.

It hurts when people turn your back on you after what you do for them

but its more painful when you lose something that did somehow return your affection or love you back.

And that's why I get upset when Sammy is ill...because I have a big problem accepting that he is actually mortal and I hate the fact he can feel pain.

But I have to remember,

Pain is good, because it lets you know you are alive.

Anyway, Its a NEW week!!!

I hope it is extremely refreshing and interesting.

I've decided to try and save a pound a day in my money box. I think it will add up pretty quickly this way. And I discovered recently that saving in a money box was pretty efficient.

I emptied mine to take on holiday and it ended up being around £80+ ... its a shame I had to buy food with it though -.-

My Min Ho picture went to his new home yesterday.

My friend actually asked me,

'Do you get sad giving him away?'


I was like

'YESSSSSSSS'


She said,

'Don't worry, I will take care of him and frame him and everything and you can come and see him whenever you want.'


If anyone overheard us they'd think we were talking about a child or something - apart from the framing part.

It would be so wrong to frame a child.

I really want that Bae shirt that Dara has in the 'I Need a Girl' MV

It's really lush.

Anyway, Imma get a bath and take my doggy for a walk now

See you later alligator,

Love Minnie

Saturday 24 July 2010

A Reminder to Everyone

Today has been a weird experience.

Like a REALLY good day and yet I feel so rotten.

I sort have had to block my mind from thinking too much, because I wanted to enjoy the day.

You know when you just concentrate on the present as hard as you can.

because I'm one of those people who overthinks, maybe that's why the lyrics to one of my favourite songs goes.

'I've been thinking - overthinking, but there's just to many scenarios to analyse, look in my eyes, cos you're my dream please come true.'

I often wonder why people overthink, because it does tend to make life so much more harder.

It like you make your biggest fears a reality in your head and then getting heartbroken by it...and nothing has happened yet.

sometimes they are misguided and unneeded fears, but you still overthink.

Maybe it's because you are trying to mentally prepare yourself for the worst so you can bear it more if it happens.

But that never works or would work, because if your worst fear came to pass you would still break no matter how much mental prep you had put yourself through.

Even if the break didn't show from the outside you would be inwardly crumbling until you were just a hollow shell.

So in conclusion, over thinking sucks and doesn't help either way and It would be healthy for me to stop.

I think to hope and to trust is a much more positive way of looking at things.

Even if it's hard to trust in people we should.

I think it's a necessary part of loving someone, to have faith in them and allow yourself to be vulnerable towards them. It let's then know how much they mean to you.

That's why I think pain walks hand in hand with love.

Because the people we love sometimes forget how much damage they can do. Sometimes they literally use our open heart as a punchbag to make themselves feel better.

and we let them, because we knew this might happen from the start, but we love them so we allow it.

I once wrote this.


A Message

Dear Loved One,

Listen carefully.

I'm not made of plastic,
I'm made of flesh.

If you cut me I will bleed.

I also wish to inform you, that pain in any relationship is inevitable.

Please try to limit causing me any as much as you can.

I know sometimes this is hard for a human as we are generally
a really ignorant, selfish and careless race.

but sensitivity would be very much appreciated.

I can handle a few blows darling, but eventually I will die.

This is just a reminder, not just for you, but for me as well...

though to be honest, I sometimes doubt my ability at causing any
feeling withing you. At least if I knew I had the power to hurt you
it would mean that you cared...

but that's a whole other story

and I'm so tired and confused right now...

Truly,

The One who Loves You.




I guess that's kind of how I feel right now...and I'm still confused. For a number of reasons I guess.

Could be the humid weather
Could be that I'm tired
Could be something to do with hormones (LOL)
Could be that I'm scared
Could be that calm time after an active week where you get a chance to overthink haha
Could be all those reasons scrambled together

Maybe I should stop concentrating on how I feel all the time and start trying to make other people happier, then one day maybe I will wake up and realize,

'I'm happy.'


Because, because of me someone else was enjoying life more...

So it's like an indirect selfishness haha

because you help them
so they are happy
which makes you happy
because they need you

I guess that's why I'm a little weird today.
Maybe today I'm tired to make an effort
and need someone to let me know I am special to them...

I know it's a long shot, but I am a flawed human being after all...however much I say I'm not.

Its just one of those days where life throws a stinker at you.

I will just have to laugh and say,

'Oh life, I'm just too tired to give a crap.'


My new day's resolution for tomorrow should be,

'For goodness sake, Minnie, please try not to overthink.'


And to those who know me.

Please, for goodness sake, don't say things that will worry or upset me cos it goes straight to heart...even if I don't let it show.

LOL

Apologies again for such a ranting post...it's a days worth of constricted emotion bubbling to the surface at once.

As for the good part of today, we babysat for Haito and Kaito and Lulu again today and it was LUSH.

They are the sweetest nicest kids I've ever met HANDS DOWN.

And I've met a lot of kids.

Lulu said I was a princess too and that my hair smelled delicious so obviously I was very flattered haha.

We took Sammy too and they loved playing with him, he was such a good boy. So well behaved too, I was shocked...even though once we took our eyes off him for a moment and he disappeared only to be found wandering about the bedrooms in the top of the house haha.

That side of the day was extremely lovely and it was nice to get out of the house for the day and be in another environment.

However, tomorrow we are going to Manchester for the church service there and I can't be bothered with it. I'm sure I won't mind when I get there, but the thought of driving down there bores me to tears.

Although it is the international service. So there will be lots of different kinds of food to eat after muahahaha.

AND of course, I get to pass my Min Ho picture to my friend in exchange for money. Though actually...I feel he is worth more than that...I am kind of attatched to that picture.

I think it's because when you draw you put a bit of your heart into the picture and when you sell it, you sell part of your heart too.

It's a bit sad...almost as if, money isn't worth it.

but having a picture doesn't buy plane tickets does it?

having money does.

Goodnight Sweethearts,

I feel a lot better after ranting and everything

Thank you so much for reading.

Love From Minnie

P.S. No matter what happens, if I'm upset, angry, confused or emotionally drained. In every part of the day and what ever you do - bad or good. It's impossible for me not to love you.

Though sometimes I wish you were deformed, charmless and utterly unattractive...for very selfish reasons.

Friday 23 July 2010

And when you smile, my whole world stops and stares for a while, because you're amazing, just the way you are ~

I'm just sat here on my bed in my comfy PJ's and a WELL deserved cup of coffee.

Today *drumroll*

I cleaned my room.

*gasp* !!!

Yes I know, and tbh, I was SO in the mood for cleaning, I just got on with it.

I was like

'Right!!! Where is the ipod?'

*gets ipod*

*stick's headphones in ears*

*cranks up volume*

This my dear readers now means that the body is in full operation mode for hard core labour.

and when it came to my room, 'hard core' was less than an understatement.

I could kick myself for not taking pics of the mess it was before.

*attempts to kick self*

*fails*

However, I did take pictures Of my lovely clean and clutter free abode.

The only thing is, the walls look SOOOO bare and dirty.

Mainly because I always put posters up and then they fall off leaving a greasy blutac mark on the wall....sometimes I can't even get the blutac off so it's just there - stuck to the wall.

Mum said our room desperately needs painting but she said,

'I'm not letting Minnie paint anything ever again, she made a right mess of the study.'
Which is true - there is still paint on the carpet to prove it.

You see, I should always keep my painting to the fine arts...I'm just useless at walls....unless its like a fresco - then I would love to paint the walls.

Anyhoo - here's some piccies of my lovely clean room.


Fare thee well university work...may I never have to lay eyes on you again.
You can go in the cellar in a black bin bag...until I have the guts to burn you.
(That's the title page of my final project/dissertation - which I passed thankfully)

Why does it still look messy? I just spent hours cleaning it haha.

This was the messiest part of the room IT WAS TERRIBLE!!!
and look how clear it is now :)

My 'finishing room treat' was a yoghurt haha, honeyed apricot and Greek yoghurt to be exact.
My doodles ^_^

Final piccy - my CLEAN tea stain free bedside chest of drawers, which holds and contains my 'stuff', I juse can't get over how tea stainless it is. haha


So yeah, I didn't do as much work on my spaniel picture as I would have liked to today, which is a shame, but I will make up for it over the weekend.

Here's how it's going so far.

Mostly highlights, I've actually added more colours since then and begun work on the snout. HWAITING!!!

This is my 'workbench' hahaha or in other words
VERY very tiny desk on which I spend hours drawing.

And thats enough pictures for today haha, sorry if I'm boring you XD

My sister has been playing this song repeatedly all day and the lyrics are going round and round in my head.

'When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, cos you're amazing, just the way you are.'
Its and incredibly sweet song, just I have no Idea what the title is, all I know is that it is trapped and swirling around in my head.

Mum made steak casserole for dinner, and it was lush apart from the fact I only got ONE PIECE of steak in my portion...it wasn't fair really so I found daddies and took some steak from it MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

I don't know what was wrong with Sammy's belly today, but he was sick three times. It wasn't even full sick with foody bits, it was just yellow bile. Anyway, I didn't feed him in the morning and just made sure he had plenty of water and he seems fine now, but a little downcast - poor baby.

Ah you know what? I'm dead tired so imma shhhh up.

Goodnight and sweet dreams to all.

Love minnie

P.S. I'm still highly amused by the 'stop in the name of love' *sigh* haha

Thursday 22 July 2010

One Day it will be Just Beautiful

I really want to eat.

And I mean proper food, not like - ready meals...or oven chips.

I mean like proper cooked from scratch, made with love type food.

And I am desperate to make cupcakes!!!

But I have no ingredients...Oh woe is me!!!!!!!!!!!

-------------------

Scratch that - I just ate a full meal and then when to the movies and shared an extra large popcorn with Sarah and dad and had a pepsi - to tbh, I'm pretty good in the hunger department atm.

Well today...what have I done today?? erm. I drew half the face of a dog...yes, it took all day, and that half is not even finished yet.

Here is the progression -




I've done quite a bit more since that final, because the fur doesn't stand out enough for me yet, it is doubtful I will ever be satisfied with it though...I never am haha.

I'm actually doing this one for free, for one of my mum's friends...or my sister's friends mum...XD its the same person anyway haha.

My mum told this lady she would do a portrait of her King Charles Cavalier Spaniel and then asked me to do it.

I took on the challenge because

1. I haven't drawn a dog is donkeys years

and

2. I resent the fact I couldn't draw the hair on Lee Min Ho and this dog has plenty of hair for me to compensate with that :D

It needs more blending though, it doesn't satisfy me when I can see the grain of the pastel on the paper, I like it smooth...it takes a lot of time though. blend blend blend

Aigoo aigoo.

I also get pastel dust everywhere...on the table, on my jeans and all over my face and neck.

I love it :D

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Why didn't I do art at uni? TT___TT

No regrets!!! I have to remember that. Everything happens for a reason.

You know what I discovered today?

I hate saying bye first. I'm so used to people saying goodbye to me and being the last to leave (so to speak).

Now I expect it kind of.

So now, when I say goodbye first, I feel kind of bad haha.

I hate leaving early when I'm having a good time too. You know all those times when you've been at some darn awful event and had to stay there the full five hours, but when you are having fun, you have to leave early because you live far away and have to take how long it will take to get home into consideration.

And yes folks...all the good times are always miles away from where I live haha...or continents away.

Therefore I am always an early leaver of the good times.

And it's never been a cool leave either you know like -

'Lets leave this and find something better to do'
That doesn't happen to me EVER.

---

Recently one of my old high school classmates got married. He's someone I've known all my life. And to be honest. I cant stand him.

I wonder if he new wife knows what a poser and a manwhore he was at school - *cough*

bitter I know.

But it always bugged me how the kids who didn't work hard and messed about were the ones who got sympathy and attention, while the ones who tried their best hardly ever got noticed unless they worked their socks of to get some kind of achievement prize.

'Oh hey! You got straight A's for a month, here is a chocolate bar...the rest of you kids!!! lets have a BBQ on the church roof!'
I may be slightly exaggerating, but I'm not kidding about the church roof BBQ...true story.

I bet I seemed boring to those people, that's why I used to go of into my own world and draw comic's and write lyrics in my desk.

It's funny how the people with most open minded thinking and active imaginations are thought to be boring.

I don't like to think of my school years a lot....I'm sure I had lots of good times and I can still remember some of them, but to be honest...all I can see is other people's selfishness when I reminisce about those times.

LOL...my best friend didn't even go to the same school as me...there wasn't much choice for best friends there haha.

Wow, its 1:21 am...I'm not too sleepy, maybe it's because I woke up late this morning.

I hate waking up late.

I've not watched an Avatar in two days. I miss it, maybe tomorrow I will catch up.

OR DRAW MORE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAA

Oh yeash!!

The movie I went to see was Toy Story 3.

It was EXCELLENT! MAGNIFICO!! I LOVED IT!!

So funny and intelligently made.

And it made me cry TWICE!

Such a beautiful ending to the wonderful tale.

And now, it's time to sleep methinks, because my lappy is starting to lag and its 1:30

Good night,

Love from Minnie,

P.S. Still thinking about that missed call that I didn't want to miss :)

Wednesday 21 July 2010

{FICTION} So Close - Prologue Part 1

Hmmm I never posted anything fictional here, so I thought I would start now with the story I have been writing.

The prologue is VERY long so I decided to split it into three parts, the following is part one :D

Btw I don't mind silent readers, but feedback would be nice for this one SANKYOU!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------

This is a story that is unlikely to come true, mainly because it is fiction.
However, there are true stories within the story.
If you care to find them, they will be waiting.
This story has a real heart.

Prologue - Part 1 -

Somewhere in the Distant Future -

I pressed a button in the car door and the windows slid silently open, the air whooshed in bringing with it the smells of city night life and expensive restaurants.

I loved the city – especially at night.

The lights glowed brightly and all the people wore designer labels and were beautiful to look at. Of course, this was the wealthy side of the city.

I never went anywhere near the squalid places on the other side of town where the working class went to celebrate their weekends in their faux brand clothing and cheap hair products.
To me those places just made the city dirty. I couldn’t see why those people would try and copy the rich kind of fun and cheapen it. Why couldn’t they just party in their own way?

But then, I was a spoiled billionaire, I would never understand how the minds of poor people worked. I felt like I was doing them a favour even thinking about them.

I closed my eyes and let the warm breeze refresh my mind.

I wasn’t really looking forward to the night ahead. It was a milestone I didn’t want to cross.

My 40th birthday and I still felt young.

The city council had prepared a party in celebration because I was quite a big deal. This was their way of sucking up to me. It sickened me really. They were all power hungry scum. It annoyed me how I had worked so hard to get my status and all they did was cling onto the success of another.

However, this party was going to be the event of the year. Everyone who was anyone would be there and I intended to make the right impression. It’s always good to get the best people on your side and I didn’t want to miss any opportunity.

The car slid smoothly to a halt and there was a doorman waiting outside. He opened my door and I got out slowly, at the same time putting some shades on to protect my eyes from the bright flashes of hundreds of cameras. A red carpet was rolled out up to the building in front of me. I started to make my way towards it and then suddenly remembered something and turned back to the car.

A woman was getting out – my date.

Actually she was on the prospective wife list. She didn’t realize that I had shortlisted her for tonight from a list of about 50 eligible women. I didn’t really need her there – she was just an accessory.

Love was something had ruled out of my life at an early age. I knew I would never love anyone.
I didn’t love her and would never love her. Women to me were for image and to satisfy primitive needs.

Otherwise, I didn’t even think about them – money was more important to me.

In recent years though, my seniors had encouraged me towards marriage and I tried to listen to their advice. After all – I would need an heir.

I took her arm in a gentlemanlike way and smiled at her, she smiled back gracefully – I was already bored with her.

The camera flashes became more furious as we made our way toward the doorway.

The venue tonight was The Gallery - An exclusive night club for the wealthy. It was one of my favourite haunts. Other than the top class DJ and the best treatment, it was decorated with masterpieces of modern and classic art. I loved the twist – modern wildlife with a hint of fine taste.

The collection would rotate every season. I was looking forward to looking at some of the new displays. There had been a few times when I’d purchased a piece of art that had really caught my attention and then added it to my own private collection.

It took me a good hour and a half to get done with all the formalities before I could take a look around. I managed to dump my lady with some of her carbon copy friends (some of which were also on my list) and slowly walked around the main hall gazing at the pictures hanging from the walls.

I smirked at one called 2012 which depicted the end of the world.

‘What a crapload of fuss over nothing that was.’ I thought and moved to the next picture.
I was disappointed so far with the selection. None of it jumped out at me. As if being 40 wasn’t bad enough, now I probably wouldn’t be able to get a gift for myself to compensate.

I was just about to give up, when it caught my eye.

THE picture. The picture I fell in love with at first sight. The picture that would change my life forever.

At first I had to look twice, I almost couldn’t believe it was as gorgeous as I thought it was. I looked around at the lighting and then at the glass of champagne I had been carrying around in my hand as if they were to blame.

I walked slowly up to the picture and let my eyes take in every inch of it. It took my breath away.

The image was a simple one. It was of a young woman, she was pretty, but in a natural way, not like the women here tonight with layers of makeup and sticklike bodies. It wasn’t her looks that caught my attention though, it was her expression. Her face was overcome with such a look of anguish and pain that my heart shattered into pieces just seeing it. Her body position displayed her as someone who was completely broken as if the world had just crashed and burned around her and she couldn't do anything about it.

Multiple questions entered my mind:

Who was she?
What had happened to make her this way?
What kind of pain was this?
Who was the artist?
When was this painted?
How could I help her?

I scanned my eyes over to the bottom right hand corner to see the artists signature. It was there but smudged and I couldn’t read it. The date was clear – 12/12/2012

That was almost 16 years ago now.

The business man in me took over my daze and I snapped into action, I wanted to know every single little thing about this picture and that woman and what happened.

And that is how the night of my 40th birthday became the first night of the rest of my life.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Likey???

Thats part one done boooyah!

Laters for more bloggings dear ones

Love Min

Tuesday 20 July 2010

You Can't be Put into Words because You Make me Speechless

Today has been a huge boost in my art moral.

Mico and YJ just ladle good comments on me about my work - Its so encouraging it makes me want to work harder. THANK YOU GUYS I LOVE YOU TWO!!!

Then my friend called and says she wants to buy this



but how it is D:

Without the hair!!!! She likes it sketchy....I was really looking forward to doing the hair too *sigh*

NVM I get £35 hehehe

and and!!! She says she wants me to do more!!! and and!!! If I take it to church in Manchester on Sunday to give it to her she will show it to everyone and they might want one too, but I will charge them more MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA....

*cough*

Uh oh, I'm sleepy again now...I wanted to watch more Avatar too!! HMPH

Sarah is bugging me to buy her some nikey high tops form ebay and like an idiot I bought them for her.

Goodness know how much moolah I have left in my account...I need to sell more portraits for definite now, oh well. *sigh*

I give in too easily!!!!

I HAVE TO!!! I MUST GET BIG SHOW 2010 DVDS when it's released!!! MUST MUST!!!

*cough*

Se7en brought out a new song today called digital bounce...its got SOOOO much autotune though!!!

He has a pretty voice!!! I wanna hear it properly!!!

TOP is absolute love haha

Darn, I'm so extra tired right now...Imma get a wash and some PJ's on brb

...back

LOLLL there was a new member on bbvip called 'mysteriousperson' and I so wanted to go on their profile and say,

'Well hello there'
*wiggles eyebrows*

But I didn't...because that's just a scary and weird experience for a new member.

Ohhh so sleepy

Imma go now

Sorry about the crappy and un-interesting short post, I just don't want my blog to die XD

Just not in the moood...

Good Night Darlings

Love Minnnieee

fwkefhwelrjwjlerq;wpjrejwekr

Monday 19 July 2010

You will Always be a Prince to Me

Mum wants me to 'sign up' to the job centre tomorrow.

I have no Idea what that means, and to be honest, I don't think the job centre will help me. I've been on their website and there is nothing available in my line of 'expertise'

Anyway,

The jobs that were slightly more my style had these problems -

  • need to have a driving license
  • need to have experience
  • need to be 16 - 18 years of age
I fit none of those categories.

So I thought, ok, lets look for experience then...so I looked at conservation projects I could join and go a month or so abroad to Borneo or Thailand or something...but that would mean I have to pay...cos these things aint free!

How am I supposed to get experience if I can't pay because I don't have a job?
And how can I get a job if I don't have experience?

Its like a nasty vicious cycle of horrid-ness.

I spent about three hours job searching and then my friend said she wanted me to draw her some pictures....mum said I should sell them to her for £50, but she is my oldest friend so I knocked the price down to £35.

She said she wanted 'LOADS' anyway and multiple £35's add up.

I just hope I have enough self control not to spend it on crap.

and now I have a confession to make,

I am addicted to Avatar cartoons. I've been watching one episode after another for about 4 hours...which is completely bum-ish. BUT ITS SO GOOD!

Aang and Prince Zuko are my faves.

I really want to eat kebab...with lots of chilli sauce...I miss fast food :(

All we have is bread and bread just makes your thighs fat...even though it's incredibly yummy.

Apparently BBVIP reached 18000 members...It's less exciting than when it reached the first thousands. I'm not even bothered that I wasn't there when it hit 18K...is that wrong?

I still love BBVIP, I must do because I spend two days updating the HOT issue section directory XD.

But I love it more for the actual people I have there...rather than the actual forum.

Still, I'm proud to say that I am member number 314....OMGD!!! Its Pi! 3.14 - OHHH how awful...I'm such a Maths geek.

I want to eat some meat so bad!!! Where did these cravings come from? Maybe my body is telling me that it would like some protein...I can't say that I have very much of a balanced diet.

Though I would LOVE to have the money our family uses for food and create a nutritional menu for our meals each week, which gets us our 5 a day and all that shizz.

I haven't cooked a meal in ages...I wanna make lasagne...that has meat *slurps*.

Or CURRY!!!

I was going to post the prologue of the story I'm writing tonight, but I didn't finish it yet....I was too busy watching 2 dimensional element benders.

Can't help feeling slightly sad today...but sometimes we have to drop our own feelings and just be understanding...even if we don't understand very much at all.

I keep telling myself - not everything is about me.

Yes it is MY life, but I have to remember that I'm part of other people's lives too and if I'm insensitive or don't think about how I act, I could be making it harder for them.

Just like I don't like it when someone else makes it hard for me because of their own selfishness.

Its good if we learn from our own experiences...so we can make life easier and happier for each other.

Ahh my eyes are sleepy now anyway, so I will sign off now.

I hope to goodness, I will get a full nights sleep...not had one in about 4 days...its getting old -.-

:D

Goodnight beautiful people

Lets not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will take care of itself.

Love from Minnie


Sunday 18 July 2010

Life Happens and it Happens Fast

I like this song....

WITHOUT YOU by Pixie Lott

I don't know what to say -
I don't know what to say, any more
cos it's all been said before.

and I don't know where you are
all I know is you're far.
...and you're not coming back.

If this is how it goes,
I'll try but, I don't know...

I don't know if I like it

without you
without you
without you

and tell me how I'm supposed to make it?

without you
without you
without you

Look at me crying tonight,
Is this what it's gonna be like?
I try and act like I'm fine, but I wont EVER be right

without you
without you
without you

Without you I don't know...

I'm not sure how to feel
I'm not sure what is real any more,
cos I never felt like this

Sometimes it hurts me so bad
It's the worst kind of sad
And I can't live like that.

Don't wanna be alone,
I'll try but I don't know...


I don't know if I like it

without you
without you
without you

and tell me how I'm supposed to make it?

without you
without you
without you

Look at me crying tonight,
Is this what it's gonna be like?
I try and act like I'm fine, but I wont EVER be right

without you
without you
without you

Without you I don't know...

but one thing I do know that I'm so sure of
Is - with you gone, I'm lost
And I'm so confused I can't do with it no more
Without you I can't say -
I can't say - take this pain from me.
So I can make room for you

Cos you've been gone from me for too long

I don't know!

I don't know if I like it

without you
without you
without you

and tell me how I'm supposed to make it?

without you
without you
without you

Look at me crying tonight,
Is this what it's gonna be like?
I try and act like I'm fine, but I wont EVER be right

without you
without you
without you

Without you I don't know

Without you - I can't be without you....

I've had it on repeat most of today ^_^
It gets to me.

I've been watching the animated Avatar: The Last Airbender.

ITS COMPLETELY AWESOME!

Can someone tell me how it is 12am?
What happened to today. It WHOOSHED!

I can't be bothered writing paragraphs and sentences so I'm going to bullet point my entire day.

*coughs*

  • I woke up - actually Sam woke me up.
  • I remembered I was on my own in the house
  • I went to feed and wee Sam
  • I couldn't be bothered climbing the two flights of stairs back to my own bed
  • I went to mum and dad's room and fell asleep on the end of their bed
  • I woke up and went on the pc to check fb and etc.
  • There was nothing of interest
  • I did a bit of moderating on the forum
  • I decided to get a bath
  • The phone rang constantly while I was in the bath
  • Sam barked constantly at the sound of the phone
  • I couldn't be bothered answering it though
  • I knew it was dad
  • I got out of the bath and got dressed
  • I weighed myself too
  • 8st woooo
  • Dad called again
  • This time I answered
  • He asked why did I not answer
  • I told him why
  • He said why didn't you get out of the bath when I called?
  • I said I didn't want to get the carpet wet
  • He wasn't impressed
  • He said put the kettle on we are nearly home
  • I said ok
  • but I only put it on when they came though the door
  • Sarah told me all about her great weekend away :D
  • I realized after 2 hours that mum hadn't come home
  • Dad told me she had been ill so stayed at grandma's
  • I said ohhh
  • Sarah gave me back my phone
  • I put it on charge
  • Two messages and a missed call...
  • That wan't a call I would have wanted to miss :(
  • We went to church
  • We came home from church
  • I updated a section of the hot issue forum on BBVIP
  • It took ages because it was 2 months overdue
  • I still haven't finished it all
  • Sarah and I went to mum's work to do her job for her
  • This is because she is not here to do it...and she's ill
  • I hate mum's work
  • We came home
  • Sarah went on the pc and watched a drama with Kim Jae Wook
  • I watched Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoons
  • I could hear Sarah screaming because... 'Kim Jae Wook is SO hot'
  • And yes, I do mean literally screaming.
  • I can hear my neighbour coughing next door
  • My laptop crashed for no reason
  • I hate it when it does that.
  • I decided to write a blog.
  • I'd started to write on earlier but the crash lost it.
  • So here I am
  • It's now 12:25 am
  • I'm sleepy.
So that's been my day - not very impressive I know, but its not been too bad...other than the knot in my stomach - the result of missingness *sigh*

Ohhh I'm so dreadfully sleepy.

Zaty eonnie received her hoodie! It took about two and a half weeks, so there you go...

I didn't do any work on my Min Ho picture today. I MUST not leave it. I'm determined to finish it.

I wrote a story you know? Well, I started to write one.

But I refuse to post the parts until my triplets have read it first. I want a thumbs up from them.

:)

I'm torn...should I watch more Avatar until 1am or should I just hit the sack?

It's so darned addictive.

I will get my nightly wash and see how about everything I feel after that.

Lifes difficult decisions ey? haha

Ohhhhhh T____T

Anyway Imma get ready for beds

Good Night wonderful people,

Love from Minnie

P.S. If the time spent on phone call costs 10p per minute, I wonder how much the minutes of life are worth in which a person spends wishing they could hear someone's voice....


Friday 16 July 2010

What Can I Do? What Should I Do? Oh Please...I Love You

Ive pretty much spent the whole day with my head down, drawing my pastel picture of Lee Min Ho.

If I really get into drawing something I fall into like a type of frenzy and get really tense and irritable...and I actually tap and bang my feet repeatedly and do really annoying things.

and Sarah is like,

'pshhht pshhhtttt, you wally stop it!!'


and Im like,

'NOOOOOOOO you dont understand!!! HIS EAR HIS WRONG!!! AND HE LOOKS LIKE A DRAG QUEEN!!'


It's true about artists being emotional.

Its like something comes over you and once you catch on to the picture NOTHING can get in the way of you, even if it takes hours and hours to complete.

You even have to stop yourself...because most pieces of art never feel like they are finished.

I've been drawing all of today and its emotionally draining...I don't know if anyone else feels like this.

Today I have been irritated, angry, stressed, scared, overly happy, depressed and sad.

and I'm sure it's because I'm drawing - its always like this.

I also had a dream last night which really upset me lolol. I know it's weird but some dreams just really get to you. It keeps coming back to my mind and disturbing me. As if I wasn't emotionally wrecked enough.

Why couldn't I have forgotten this dream like past ones?

It scares me.

----

The progression of my picture -




I've done a bit more than the last picture now, but I don't like the shading above his lips it looks kind of weird, so I'm gonna blend it more.

I was kind of having difficulties with the jacket he is wearing cos I've not drawn clothes in a while, just close up head shots, it took a while to get it how I liked it.

I'm growing to like it more now, when I first started it, it looked like a disaster so I'm kind of glad I persevered.

Though...I dunno if he looks like Min Ho or not lolol, someone thought he was Yunho from DBSK.

Mum said I should draw stuff people will be willing to buy...she likes this pic, but she doesn't think people would want a random Asian guy on their wall.

She doesn't know this is for me, it's pleasure drawing...with emotional drawbacks.

You see I draw the most relentlessly when I need a distraction, I concentrate dully on the shading and colours and lines. Completely forget about my surroundings...and life.

It's my escape. Something I can control too.

Do you know how hard it is for me not to be able to do what I wish to do sometimes?

It's so hard.

Sometimes things affect me so much I just have to laugh about it because otherwise I would cry.

That's why sometimes I don't seem sincere...but I am, completely.

and that's why when people think I'm joking it's painful for me.

It's probably my own fault, but it still hurts....quite a lot.

Awww I love this song,

'I'm getting into you, because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you because I've got to be, your essential to survive.
I'm gonna love you with my life.'

Ah that brings back good old memories ^_^

I feel so helpless right now...

You know when you want to help so badly and you cant?

It's almost agonizing.

Ohhhh I know...this is a terribly depressing post...I'm sorry

I will regain strength and wont ever give up dont worry.

Life is a bumfaced donkey at times, we have to learn how to deal with its bumfaced donkeyness.

Just know my dear friends, that I will be there for you as much as I possibly can.

It kind of completes me to be able to be needed haha XD

Anyway, Im going to go back to MinHo, I need to draw his clothes...otherwise he will be cold poor boy :D

Much MUCH love from Minnie.

P.S.

Hahahah I found these saved on my comp...aren't they beautiful??



Those ones are happy pictures :D INNIT!!!