And you think I'm emo now? You should have known me back then XD
19/07/2008
I havn't written an entry in this diary for an exceedingly long time (like the cakes, haha).
This pen is pretty crap I may have to change it.
ANYWAY! There is not much that has been happening really. Maybe thats why I havn't written anything.
I'm still unsure of myself jst like I was when I started this diary. I'm beginning to feel like these past few years have meant nothing.
- which is probably my own fault, because I have this habit of thinking that things will just fall into my lap.
I don't feel 20 years old and I can't help but wonder if I will ever be independent.
I'd like to be, but I'm a coward and independence seems too scary for me at the moment.
There are all kinds of things I'd like to be or have - abilities and other things that would make me better.
Something seems to be holding me back though.
Sometimes it's like living in a prison.
I like my home and comfort too much and that love of being comfortable is keeping me locked in.
I never wanted to be like this.
When I was little I always admired those people and characters who knew their own minds and were strong and active and I wanted to be like them.
But look at me...I can't even pay for my dogs injections and my parents still tell me to go to bed.
I've failed my younger self in so many ways.
I was quiet then, even at school - never trying to be part of anything or trying to impress my friends because I always thought when I was older I would be this wonderful person who would fulfil their dreams.
And people would see that you don't need to try and be special to be someone special.
As it is, I still don't get noticed and I'm still a passing thought.
I wish I could blame someone other than myself for why I'm like this, but I can't.
I don't really want to blame anyone else anyway.
The addition of bitterness to my resume of pitiful-ness would be just enought to make me the most insignificant person on the planet.
I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, I probably am.
I don't care how I seem now, because in two years I will probably be in the same place - writing in a diary and wishing things would turn out differently.
Nothing ever happens like you want it to, life is so unfair on so many levels.
I'm bored and I wish I could just jump into a drama where it is fun and superficial.
Wow, I'm so sad I should possibly consider selling my life story to a famous author... mind, no one would read it because it would be boring and pathetic.
Ah well, I've run out of negative things to say, night.
And that was 20 year old me.
What a delightful person I was XD
but in my defence...I was very lonely then.
Not now though.
It just shows how much confidence you gain when other people let you know how much value you are to them.
Learning from experience, I will always let the people who I love know just how much they mean to me...just so they don't ever have to feel lonely like that.
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AND NOW!!!
Warning: The following paragraphs will contain pure and unadulterated GUSHING FANGIRLING SPAZZING AND JUST A GENERAL LACK OF SELF CONTROL.
Just a little intro.
In South Korea the time right now is approximately 1:35 am which means the date there is the 18th of August 2010.
This date happens to be the birthday of a Mr Kwon Ji Yong.
This fact alone gives me the right to do this -
sgdnmskdliuagiysdjfasn,kfgavs fasufgajsbf,nlaskhvfnnas.kfiuogsvhfna.js;pyfogyahksfjipaogyirhsakldfougvzsnfm asfbjasf gyashjnfkoguasvhkfasyofgyvhsjfkaysgvhf asfugkjasmnjf asguykfjbnasfogyivhsf asygufkjasn,flo usagvhf asfgyhabd fasgfhjna sfgoukajsklfo agsyvfbkaslfyp gousajkf onyasogyf asfygjsajf oagsyvfhj asfiygvhbajskf tgsa fo asgukfjha supydhcljzn\bmczj\fzcbjnkzj\locgygzcyozgychbjzxcyogyizvxhcn xyzgcbjzxkivucgzjx vyaspifoay8fgkjsalrt73r89t78fauyhwjkdytawyifedjajsyodt9fyiqwkarjfdgsiyvhc jxnlihcoguvzhx czgkcgjdxfklj;s;fs'df;iygas'flaUSHFASDKFU CDFYGKZJHDSJF GZVSFHZJCF UFGDFGDSHVBFH ZUDGIYFH\ZISUFGH\ZUDGGJ\D\VJGZ DC\UKKFJD\ZOUGKD\LSFGYDXJCVGIZDHVFAJGUFDSAODGFGASLDIYASHKDJOUASIDN.\,ZXN.ZXLHUGODCZDLHFOIAYSDJHBHZSK\FJFAHLKYFBJSFDLAKFJFDHLTSYJFKASYFDVBSIRYFG\gdisoyugkjkjayougfksjdoguaskdlyfg aosudgkjfasdhoiugfkjasdghosldfgiudhg sudfkjnsdkugfkbjsdkfhgskjdf asuodjkfasdgsljbcm ,mbzvjz vnkxjblv zkxbv cnzxkhbc zxcnbzxc ,zxlgvcjz,xcguzj cmxjhgciyvxjcukgzxvczjgxycv zxjcvgj zcxjz hcxzcxvhz cxlzvfksdfuksdr8oiyerupwyoeurjwerbiwefrwe8rgiuwekrwoerugwer weiyrjwapygyorqlwdk\aldyaogysifjvxcvnhgxjgcjvzsdkfzsk\dktsj,fdligkjzjxdtfzuysjdgvcjkfzhxcjlaskjdkjshdgfgd bvksdiougfvhsdnf sdgfbjsd fhukjbsmdfhukhsdkofugbjsdf ....
Is that immature enough for you?
And yes, my fingertips are numb now.
My birthday message -
Dear Jiyong,
You will never read this, but meh, I'm a fangirl so I'm allowed to do things that would seem a complete waste of time to outsiders.
In a nutshell - you have given me great pleasure and amusement for over two years now. Your personality and charm brighten my day.
You never fail to make me smile and you are the only person who doesn't know I exist who I've ever cried for when I heard you were sick...I know...I'm weird...
I love your left dot so much...can I have it?
*cough*
I mean!!! JIYONG!!!
HAVE A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY!!! YOU ARE AN AMAZING DUDE AND CONTINUE TO BE AMAZING AND BRINGING US VIPS YOUR SWEEET SWEET MUSICS.
You are an inspiration and my hero...and I really love when you don't wear a shirt.
BIRTHDAY SUITS ROCK!!!! (bae too woohoo)
You are so gorgeous I want to bite my own arm off...
Or if you let me, I will gladly bite yours off :D
Yours Truly,
From A VIP a little west from where U at :)
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*consoles self*
but to be honest Jiyongs birthday is a small matter in my mind compared with the fact that I just want someone who is sick to be better very soon...
*covers face*
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And now, it is 12am my time So I'm going to hit the sack.
I'm a bit irritated at my mum, who is watching the DVD's of my favourite drama, but skipping loads of it...YOU CANT SKIP!!!!
This is why I hate watching dramas with her.
Although I do find it cool that she likes to watch them :D
---
Well GDnight Dear Ones
Sweet Dreams (like I had last night)
Love Minnie
P.S. Be fine...
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