Im looking at myself in a new light recently. Asking myself what do I truly want. Its actually quite a hard question to answer. I have this life that I was given...how do I steer it? What was I supposed to do with it? I'm always asking myself these questions.

Sometimes they hammer into my head all the time and drive me crazy. Then I go to my beloved outlet at BBVIP and live my moments there carefree. I'm lucky to have found such a wonderful place. The thought of not ever meeting the people there is a terrible thing. Its horrendous for me to even think about before when they lived in this world and I had no idea...I think its all to do with destiny though. I mean there is always a purpose to meeting people. I dont believe in chance.

Unfulfilled

I'm getting used to waiting

My body is relaxing

Not settling for a loss

Just waiting for the win

I move in empty circles

I live for the necessity

Being patient for the moment

When I'll be free from the wait

I close my eyes and breathe

Everything crawls in slow motion

The days they pass so slow

And yet they speed right by

Nothing seems to proceed

Yet steady pace of life continues

and this is how it is

Nothing happens, but everything changes
Chances of new loves are missed

and yet, I continue waiting

What are new loves in comparison?

To live a day with you

Is more than 1000 with another

If someone else gave me their heart

I would be decievig them

for I'd still be waiting for yours.

So basicly that is how I feel...only extra acute,

Expectations, Dogs and of course, Jiyong - the gorgeous daddy

Its september now...and what an emotional rollercoaster August was. What with assignments, losses, gains and Heartbreaker (GD's solo album ghgfdsxcvbnjhytr) last month was pretty epic, in both a good way and a bad way.

So what does this month hold for me? What treasureful moments will it add to my very short life on earth?....well, to be honest, I havn't the foggiest. I am only hoping that among the monotony and boredom of everyday dullness there will be beautiful moments. As long as my hope stays full...and my mind occupied.

SO, anyone want to see a picture of the most delicious dot displayer in the history of the world? Not to mention a loving daddy...

I know you want to ^ ^I totally know how he feels about GaHo, because I feel the same way about Sam.

This sort of leads me to a pet peeve...actually, this is something that ticks me off A LOT.

I am VERY fond of my dog for a number of reasons.

1. My one wish growing up was for a dog

2. I love dogs in general

3. I got Sam when I was really lonely and needed a friend

What makes me mad the most is those ignorant people, who can't possibly know how it feels to have a dog....I swear I find it hard to contain my anger.

Let me explain, having a dog is like having a child...different of course, but there is a bond..and I swear to you, its a strong bond. I would lay down any amount of money and even endure pain for my dog...it may sound silly to none dog lovers, but this is a how tight the bond between dog and master is. When someone belittles this I GET SO FREAKING MAD...they laugh and say stuff like, 'Its just a dog' I have to use every ounce of self control to stop myself from saying every insulting phrase I know to their pathetic faces!!!!

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. My friend just lost her dog and some inconsiderate fool used the 'it was only a dog' phrase. That person couldn't possibly know what she was going through.

When you have used part of your life, to care, bring up, nurture and protect a living creature...do you really think, 'it was only a dog' is an appropriate phrase to use.

NO

It was a beautiful creature...and it had life in it and it loved its owners and they loved it!!!

I know I may sound rabid, but its something that I feel strongly about.

Anyway, to calm down I'll post more pictures of my beloved Jiyongie on his most recent endeavours. The smile to melt a thousan hearts....now do you understand why I love him so much?

My weakness is smiles...and he has a stunning smile...I fell for him like a ton of bricks

...words cannot describe the pure sexinesss....I'll leave it at that!!!

I will continue to support G Dragon as he promotes the best album of 2009 (tied with Youngbaes and Big Bamgs of course) JIYONG FIGHTING AND BLESS YOU FOR YOUR HARD WORK AND COURAGE

From your min

all creds for the pics to asianfantics forums ^ ^

If you love GD and Big Band head over to bbvip.net....I swear its the best forum in the world...come and join the family!!!!!

Short

This is going to be short and simple. A statement on how I feel:

If it were not for Jiyong and his gorgeous me2day updates I would be dead inside...a walking corpse...atm I feel no emotion...none. Just numb. Don't know whats wrong with me. Why do all the things I want seem so far away?

Future

Its been a funny week.
Not sure what to make of it.
I guess every week in someones life has an effect...the little pieces of the story.
I wrote a few poems these past few days so I thought I'd share one with you.
It's not rhyming and doesn't have structure, but it is raw and from the heart.

Future?

What can I do?

To let you know without letting you know

How can I act?

For you to get the point.

You're winning the game where the prize is my heart.

do you realize it?

Or is this me falling for a bystander?

I could disguise my mind at firstbut the truth is starting to show.

Should I tell myself this isn't real?

I could lie to myself in order to forget you

but it would still be a lie.

Soon something is going to break

Will it be the ties that bind us?

My pride that keeps me from you?

Or my heart when I know that you never saw me...
I'm slowly going crazy

gradually losing my heart to you

Would you accept it if you knew it was yours?

Or would you leave it without a home?

I could never take it back

A rejected heart hurts more than one that has never been given.
So now I'll let nature take its course

And believe that you'll come to meI

hope you are believing for me too.

Sorry if it seems pathetic.

From Min

When I needed you - where did you go?

My parents came home from America today laden with t-shirts. Did anyone know I was an avid collector of t-shirts. You wouln't know the simplest for of fashion could be so entertaining until youve actually tried it....IM OBSESSED WITH T SHIRTS.

Today has not been great though, in fact, I'm pretty depressed. Even to the point of crying - there is no reason for it, I just feel this way.

I think everyone has these days and maybe I'm too self-involved, but I really want to feel happy. Where are all my friends? I wish I could fly away somewhere and just not have a care. Caring makes things harder. because when you care, you make yourself vunerable to dissapointment. I feel unfulfilled and empty and ridiculous. I don't know what to do...I really feel lost. It's tiring always loving other people and getting no love in return. Should I give up?

from a very downcast Min

I'm Expecting!!!!

Uggghhh, it's 1:28am and I should be fast asleep dreaming about Jiyong, but I'm not.

I get my 2nd year results tomorrow (actually, later on today). I'm pretty nervous to tell you the truth. I didn't do too well this year I just know it. I'm just hoping and praying I can scrape a pass.

I'm picking up my wage today too - the one I earned from my short-lived job.

You gotta love life ne?!!!

I'm SO buying that Jiyong t-shirt!!! No-one can stop me...I earned money especially so I could WEAR him...LOL....I'm slightly insane because of extreme tiredness, you will have to forgive me.

Other news:

My parents are going to the U S of A on Monday so me and Sarah will be alone for a week...eeekkk. I'm going to have to act like a responsible adult. You know how hard that is for me?

Also, Me and Leslie are starting to plan the ending of our fic now. I feel sad that it will be over in a few chapters. I've quite enjoyed writing it...buuuttt, I kind of have an Idea for another one up my sleeve...aaannndd, there has been mention of a sequel to Phobia of Love...but, we'll see how it goes.

Oooo yeah, the MV of I Don't Care by 2NE1 came out today (yesterday). Me wonderful Eonnie Zaty gave me the link :D The end part made me laugh, those girls ^ ^

Well, I better get some sleep now...

*sends much love to all corners of the earth*

From Min

P.S. I just have to mention one more thing...KWON JI YONG HAS GORGEOUS LUSH HAIR!!!! I WANT TO FEEEEELLL IT....ahem....

Happiness Gone..Just Like That

I know I already posted somethig today, but you know when there is something on your mind and you just have to say it, well here it is ~

Maybe I'm a fool

but I'm torn at the heart

What began as a blessing

ended as a curse

The memories we share

Seperated us from others

But now that we are apart

They break me up inside

It is a beautiful pain

The reminder of lovely things

And yet, it tells the story of a loss

Other news...I'm despairing...I lost my job...darn weather spoiled the strawberries, so they are keeping all the work for the Romanians who came over. I'm gonna miss them all!!! They were so much fun to work with. I'm kind of attached to them now :'(

Sooo despondent...I need cheering up

Minnie