Waiting Pays Sometimes

Ok I'm am slightly calmer than I was yesterday...but I guess some people have lost the true meaning of what a fangirl/boy is....its a sad day for them

But anyway...MY LIFE!!!!
Well, nothing really has happened - I failed something yesterday...yeap 0%
But I'm choosing to forget about that incident - in a years time Im going to be thinking....'oh haha, remember when that horrible disgusting thing happened to me, Im so glad I got past that!'

Well at least, I hope I feel like that.

Also I got mad at msn today, you know when you really want someone specific to talk to you and then you leave the room and then you see the flashing orange light on your desktop and its like, 'THEY TALKED!!!' *excitement* Then you look and see it was someone else and its like BUMMER!!!!!

Note: if you are called Mico, YJ or Zaty or other one - I ALWAYS want you to talk to me and I NEVER wish you were anyone else THAT IS THE TRUTH!!!!! ACTUALLY YOU ARE THE PEOPLE I WISH OTHER PEOPLE WERE ROFL

WELL THAT HAPPENED LIKE THREE TIMES TODAY!!!! I WAS TTTTTT_______TTTTTT

And I still didn't get to talk to who I wanted in the end

'Why didn't you talk first?' you ask

Its the principle!!! and also, Im a scaredy cat (cow)....I like to feel wanted

Silly I know, but there you are.

Anyway I've been reined in to be an art judge at a european student competition....I wonder if I will be good at it :s Im a little scared...I have only ever competed (HELL YEAH I GOT GOLD MEDALS) in this competition, I've never been a judge...but Im SO gonna be biased towards students I like ROFL...and the best ones obviously.

I just hope the other judges don't have crap for brains...you know the kind that like to analyze a picture...for me, if it looks the best and is most pleasing to the eye, that one is the winner...I dont give a damn about technique...what matters is how good it look..or how amazed you are when you see it. I hate fruity judges.

ALSO I had a major dvd spend online, I cannot believe myself

I watched hana kimi and thought 'hmmmm, we need more Japanese dramas to add to our collection' so I bought some - Ive not told sarah yet, I want it to be a suprise when it arrives.

Anyway I bought

1. The Hana Kimi Special (because I just cant get enough)
2. Absolute Boyfriend (I love this drama SOOOOO MUCH *spazzes*)
3. Nodame Cantable (SUCH a feel good drama, makes me want to take up music again)
4. Honey and Clover (the EPITOME of feel good dramas, and has a great soundtrack)

So I though, ooo, I should stop buying now because phew that already adds up to a fair amount of cash...BUT!!!!

THen I saw coffee prince on ebay for a reasonable amount and I had to get it SO I DID!!!! OMONAAAA NO MORE SPENDING FOR ME!!! FOR LIKE!!! TWO WEEKS!!!!

I saw BOF for real cheap to with PERFECT SUBS AND I WAS SO TEMPTED!!!

BUT I WILL SAVE THAT ONE FOR ANOTHER TIME!!! AND ANOTHER SPENDING SPREE

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I WAS SO CAUGHT IN THE MOMENT

Note: That person spoke BAHAHAHHA

Anyway, Im waiting expectantly for the postman now!!! because we have to be ready for when he comes so we can put Sammy in a different room so he doesn't get all aggressive towards his worst enemy....personally I think Sam's dislike of the postman is because he supports liverpool, and Sam is like a MAN U fan forever!!!!

I ALSO HAVE ANOTHER REASON FOR WAITING FOR THE POSTMAN wEROUWEBLJKRJWHEOGURBJLKWEHIROBJ LWERUOBWEJ ZATY EONNIEEEEEE SERHUBJWLEKRLIHBWJLEKRJHIBWLEJKRHIWNELK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANyway Im gonna go now cos its like 2am and I have to go to a baby shower tomorrow!!! another thing.......PASTOR KIDS DUTIES!!!! UGH IT NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!

SARANGHAEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM TRYING TO BE POSITIVE!!! CANT YOU TELL???!!!!!!

Dedicated to all the members of 2pm

This is kind of going to be a rant blog because of a current kpop situation and the absolute brainlessness of some fans...

YEs I am talking about the current JYP situation!!!!

TBH I think it is BCRAP

and even if there is some truth in it WHO CARES?!!!

There are six young guys there, who will be feeling the pain of this more than any stupid fan can....oh yes they are feeling VERY unloved right now and betrayed by those people who said they would support them and love them forever!!!

SO GOOD JOB YOU STUPID HOTTESTS GETTING EVERYTHING OUT OF PROPORTION!!!! AND PLEASE FOR FREAKS SAKE REMEMBER THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!!! MAKES ME GLAD THAT IM A VIP!!! FLIPS SAKE!!! IF YOU HOTTESTS DONT SUPPORT THE 2PM BOYS WE VIPS WILL, BECAUSE WE APPRECIATE THEIR TALENT!!!!

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CHANSUNG, JUNSU, NICKHUN, JUNHO, WOOYOUNG AND TAECYEON FIGHTING!!!!!!

I like...

I swear my procrastination skills are entering into a new dimension.

I'm getting to be a total pro at procrastinating - to a point that scares me.

But yeah, life goes on...

I've come to realize that there are only very few beautiful moments in life

the rest are dull or horrible, but I suppose at the end of your life - everything seems

beautiful even the horrible moments, because it means you felt something.

That's the thing about caring, things are so much more significant when you make them precious to you.

I want to have a lot of precious things...I want to view everything as precious in its own little or big way.

Maybe I should stop thinking about how depressing and rubbish my life seems and start loving the little things again.

Like laughing at sarah because she knows the exact minute Chansung of 2pm appears on all her 2pm downloads and skips to that minute everytime.

Or how my mum laughs at the most random things when we watch a movie

or how When I see a dog on TV I instantly run to wherever my dog is lying just in the house, so I can cuddle him.

and laugh at mine and Zaty and Rina eonnies current addiction with Park Bommie (dont ask why).

And be thankful that whatever I do and however I feel and whatever happens is what makes

my life mine - and makes me me.

And I probably wont feel like this tomorrow when I have tons of work to do which I don't feel like doing, but at least it will be somewhere in my heart.

*sigh*

Also Big Bangs song for lollipop 2 is LOVE!!! <3

I want to travel!!

I like Cornwall and I like sealions

I like it when my dog comes to sleep on the end of my bed in the middle of the night

I like webcamming <3

I like buying my sister stuff

I like getting letters

I like reminiscing about my childhood with friends, because even though we've changed we know we were lucky to have such a great time.

I like dvds

I like recieving parcels

I like typos

I like getting a good grade for something I wrote last minute

I like it when people trust me

I like it when all my family go out for a meal (even though we argue most of the time and order too much)

I like Christmas time

I like Snow Days

I like CF's

I like Korean boys

I like African wildlife

I like rice

I like spicy food

I like Asians : D

I like finishing assignments early

I like winning an argument

I like real hugs (by real I mean sincere, so even if its just a cyber hug *hugs* but its sincere, I like it ^^.

I like good hair days

I like baby animals

I like white T - shirts ^ ^

I like clean teeth :D

I like summer

I like the seaside

I like KPOP

I like warm coats and hats and scarves and gloves in winter

I like feeling like I'm important to the people who are important to me

I like seeing people who were meant for each other get together

.....................................

I like a lot more than I dislike - actually I LOVE all of the above

but I LOVE you more <3

to be continued...for the rest of my life

Puppet - when will I become a real girl?

Whichever way I try to look at it my life sucks at the moment.

I hate my university - my classmates are to, put it gently - horrendous (apart from a couple of good people).

My parents say I'm too naive, because I have 'internet friends'....they don't care about me as much as I care about them apparently...maybe so, but lets give the benefit of the doubt here shall we? After all, we are all humans we share the planet.... but no, I'm young and obviously not full-human yet, so I can't do stuff - any stuff.

I'm basically not allowed to do what I like, because it will turn out bad for me - but I can do what I want because its my life - apparently (please someone tell me what makes sense there because I'm so confused...in my years of learning that last statement would be called a contradiction).

I'm lost for words, I want to curl up in a ball, I want to cry and I just don't know what to do...because everything I like is wrong and I should just let others choose how my life will go.

...happiness...

Rambling because I do it Good

This week has been mental. Its only day two and I have been through every kind of emotion you can think of...I've not cried yet though...I doubt that fact will be the same by the weekend though.

Ive decided riding on the bus alone is no fun. I have to spend 12 hours each week on a bus so its obvious I have to fine things to entertain myself during that time.

1. Music - If mp3 players werent invented and then put into phones I would have died many years ago. If I couldn't listen to music on the bus I just dont know what I'd do...cry possibly. Today I played hot issue intro TWICE because its just the insanest intro ever ' GDRAG - ON - ITS DANGEROUS' - so yeah music is essential.

2. Drawing pad - I will not necesarily draw in it, I just need to know its there. Allthough yesterday I did continue drawing a picture of bae I'm creating for my valentine on BBVIP. She likes bae and I couldn't think of anything else to do for her. hopefully i'll finish it before the 14th, HWAITING!!!!!

3. Pencils - For drawing purposes

4. Some sort of diary

5. A magazine - wildlife magazine usually...blue sharks are <3 So are manta rays and pole cats...I envy wildlife photographers, I really do.

.....

and I have to stop typing now cos my mum is being irrational...or maybe Im just being irritable

Either way Im ticked off

Good Day/ Night

Round and Round

My work is insane!!!! Its like really complex and I have to condense it down into 600 words...then I have to make it look pretty!!!! To add on top of that...I'm so tired of uni work...I've been doing it for three years and I'm pretty much fed up with it.

WHERE HAS MY DRIVE GONE???

Of course, I also get distracted by a certain brown eyed boy whose existance completely amazes me... >_<

Recently I started doing this thingy where I write down one sentence every night about how I feel or where I'm at or whatever. It's quite fun to do then I put a date on it. Its great for when I dont feel like writing in my diary, but want to make note that I have actually lived that day...for future reference of course!!!

I got told off (nicely) by my course tutor today for my poor attendance. I wanted to tell him to try waking up at 6am when you are warm and snuggled in bed on a cold winters morning...but that would be completely childish of me considering he probably knows exactly how that feels ROFL...I don't want to look like a complete bumtrinket now do I?

I love Please Don't Go by CL and Minji if 2NE1....it completely ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was listening to it on the bus today and I wanted to dance but I was kind of scared of the old man behind me who was talking to himself....weird.

I wrote a poem on the bus too...It doesn't have a name yet, but here it is:

'Carefully...' I think
I look at my destination
My future
My hope
The choices before me
Which should I choose?
Which one will lead me to you?
What is this tightness in my chest in my chest?
Is it because there might be a chance
that my life isn't leading to you?

I can stand some losses
but not that...

My heart breaks at the mere thought

Without you I can live,
but only with you can I be truly alive...

I wrote it on the bus... what can I say? Bus rides make me think...I think about now and then and everything...and if my thoughts get too loud I stick my headphones on and blast them out with K-POP.....

REFRESH ME

So thats about it for today...

Its Raining, Im Inside, but I Feel It

I've been in a predicament with myself. You see, people have different sides to them and I am no exception. When I wake up I am filled with aspirations of what I could accomplish only for them to be drowned out by my lack of interest in my surroundings....or rather the little world I have created for myself.

If there was a project in which the students had to create a world for themselves mine would be a fail. Maybe thats why the wise people stop trying to do things all by themselves and let God create worlds...even miniature ones.

Its been my habit for a long time to write a diary every year. Recently I read through them and you know what was always the same about each one. In the first entry of them all I always write that Im wondering whether anything will have changed in my life by the time the diary is full...you know what? I dont feel like aything has changed...I mean, stuff has...but I didn't feel it.

The diaries from my teenage years are full of questions...most of those questions are to do with boys and when would I get one? I smiled a lot reading them. I only ever met one person who came up to scratch back then...It was a nice if not fleeting moment...Now I dont even bother about boys in any other way than that of friendship...friendship tends to last longer than romance in my life...to my future heart stealer, if you exist...I respect you...It must have been hard.

As I carried on reading my memories to my later teens all I seemed to be thinking about was studies and finishing and A+ results...for these accounts I know that I am an able person - if I really really desire to have something from the bottom of my heart I can get it. I feel proud of myself, not because of the good grades, but because I didn't let myself down...and its a good feeling.

The past three years Ive complained...A LOT. This is because I am making excuses for myself, because I havn't been doing what I should. I want everything, but make no movment to grasp at it. I keep telling myself that dreams come to you when in fact, its the opposite...we have to work to make our dreams reality....

To this day Im a little lost...somewhere in between two unknown places. I have desires and dreams this year, just as I did in all those years that have past. I tell myself that I wont wonder about where I'll be in the future, but its still there - lingering in my mind.

I wonder...