Resiliance

Last night I went to bed early-ish because everything was just IRRITATING me.

All the miniscule bickerings and rubbish and stupid things people were getting stressed about and yet, horrendous things were happening at the exact same time to other families on the other side of this sphere.

Honestly, when something like this happens things should be put into perspective, but some people are just so caught up with themselves they don't even realise how good they have it.

This morning however, I woke up with a 'SCREW WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK' attitude, because what other people think shouldn't make my thinking negative. The world needs all the positive attitudes it can get at the moment.

Yesterday I was out hunting for a tree - yes - a tree. My mum works at a stately home and they have like a wood at the back and the gardeners helped me to find the tree that I wanted. It is really huge though, like 20+ feet and I have to transport it to the other end of the country! This is where I need to pull out the old 'ddaaaddddyyyy can you help me move a tree?' card. I know he will help me as long as I give him money. How fraternal of him =.=

I have the kind of parents who give and expect something back - it's VERY annoying, because I'm the type of child who likes to take advantage hahaha

As far as I'm concerned when it comes to giving I don't care what I get back on earth cos Heaven is going to be ballin!

One of the first things we heard during the day was that our babies in Japan were safe. Apparently, they were at the park when the quake happened and they live in Tokyo so were not affected by the tsunami. Even so I wish I could just fly over there and give them a hug, I bet they were so frightened.

Yesterday also brought other things

Sarah was joking around about how I have ginger hair and one of the gardeners said to her,

'Just because you are her older sister doesn't mean that you can tease her.'

I was just like O: and then AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH

And Sarah was like,

'but, she is 7 years older than me.'

Also a lady had said to me earlier,

'Were you ok yesterday? It was so windy, I have another small friend and she was almost blown over.'

I was like...

'Ohhhh issit?.'

I really didn't think that I was THAT OBVIOUSLY small. I don't mind though. Small is ACE and Ace is the name of an awesome One Piece character, THEREFORE small people are awesome.

Its been ages since I've written a blog in the morning, it's actually quite nice. We are off to grandmas later, because we are going to conglomerate around the TV and support Manchester United together for the 1/4 final of the FA cup...I hoppppeee that Man U have got their act together by now. It would be SUCH a shame for them to lose to Arsenal after being beat by Liverpool and Chelsea (yes I have accepted it now - though I'm never going to be happy about it)

I also have to go to the shop for a very shallow and selfish reason - I've been coveting this green eye-shadow pallet for about 3 weeks and I NEED it. Well actually, I don't NEED it, but I would VERY VERY VERY like to have it. In fact, it is a part of this collection of all these different colour pallets and they honestly drive me crazy. I'm like a magpie - anything colourful or shiny and I WANT!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2-ish days later
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah so there has been a whole weekend between then and now.

I'm just chillin watching Iron Man with my sister. I have hiccups too, which is rather annoying. They are not the satisfying kind of hiccups - I know you know what I mean.

SO I am very happy to say that the weekend was most excellent.

Yesterday we zoomed over to Manchester, had a VERY delicious lunch at grandmas and then watched the Manchester United V Arsenal match and WE WON! Which is so great :D Dad's friend was at Old Trafford for the game and we went to his house for dinner today and I was envying the match program he'd bought (cos at Old Trafford they sell like a programme for every home game, with the line up and rivalry history and shizz, it's like a magazine really). Anyway, it made me wish I was there.

It's getting to rather an exciting stage in the year for the football crowd. It's a very decisive time. AND EXCITING!

Saturday night was kind of weird for me because my body gave me a nasty shock. I was just stood chatting to my dad in the kitchen while he was making tea when I got these terrible pains across my stomach, but it wasn't internal, it was like muscular pains. It really took me by surprise, I couldn't even stand up OR sit down, I was completely immobile because of pain. My sister even had to help me get my PJ's on. Then I had to lie flat on my back with this heat patch thing over my stomach and after about 45 minutes it ebbed away.

The last time this happened I was on my own at home and I fainted on the kitchen floor because of the pain (LMAO Sam was all like 'WTFF???'), and I really have no idea what causes it. It's quite weird, but it goes away and it happens very rarely so I really have no idea what to do about it. It doesn't worry me really, only I hope it never occurs when I'm in an interview or out somewhere or doing something important, because then that would be annoying.

This morning it had vanished and so had the stiffness and I was glad because I didn't want to miss church. Then when I got to church I discovered my best friend had not come so I sent her a text saying,

'I dissaprove of not seeing you D:'

and she sent one back saying

'I know :( I will bring you sweets.'

So my wrath was calmed.

My daddy preached today :D It was very good too. About how life is a marathon and not a sprint...and I'm not going to describe the whole sermon because if you reeaalllly want to see it you can probably watch it on the New Harvest Christian Fellowship Manchester website so yeah.

Then I did this really stupid thing.

After the service I wanted to get out of my row of chairs so I could chat with my friend, but there were people standing in the way at both ends of the row.

So I waited for a bit then I said to my friend,

'Shall I just climb over the chairs into the next row?'

She just shrugged and so I sort of swung my leg over the seats in front of me and jumped a little and it seemed like I had successfully breached the chairs, but then an armrest jammed into my left thigh and I slipped, made a strange squeaking noise and fell on my ass...then I sort of smoothly tried to made it look like I had intended to sit down on a chair - however I have no idea if I succeeded giving this impression.

I only wish I hadn't made the squeaking noise - that was rather embarrassing...I feel embarrassed just thinking about it. WHY AM I SUCH A CLUTZ?

I am also PREEETY certain that my left leg will be the canvas of a impressively huge bruise WHICH WILL LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL AND PURPLE AND GLOWING IN THE MOONLIGHT!

Then after church we went to family friends house for dinner. It was very nice, lots and lots of reminiscing and I really have no idea, but I found myself showing an old friend Big Bang's Haru Haru MV and she was looking at me like,

'Minnie???? WHY KOREANS?'

I just shrugged and said,

'Just because.'

She said,

'Is it because you like a Korean guy?'

because generally in my acquaintance circle, you only get into something 'unusual' if there is a guy involved somewhere.

I just shook my head, because I can proudly and honestly say I was attracted to Big Bang by their music and not how they look....even so I pointed at G Dragon and said,

'I like him a lot though.'

Understatement of the century.

but anyway, today was great. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and was very joyful and I ate a lot of nice food and I feel contented.

I have SO much to be thankful for SOSOSO much. God knows I should remember this more often.

Now its time to sleep.

Goodnight all you lovelies. May all your endeavours be fruitful and may you be blesssseeed!

Love Min

P.S. Please please continue praying and supporting the nation of Japan!

Resurrect the Saint from Within the Wretch

Cos I could spend my life just trying to sift through what I could have done better, but what good do what-if's do? ~

- Forget and Not Slow Down by Relient K

I'm listening to that song, it's so amazing. It makes me think about how I tend to think about too much crap in my life and not move on.

Like my lack of motility on any direction, because I have these voices in my head that say,

'You can't do that, you can't do this, you aren't good enough, you always fail why even bother, they don't like you, you are rubbish, you don't understand anything, you will never amount to anything, your dreams are hopeless, the little confidence you have is actually false, you are of no use to anybody, you are a disgrace, you are a waste of time, you are a waste of space....'

I could go on...the funny thing is, I'm the one who is actually saying that to myself...I mean other people are mean, but no one is as mean as the judge inside yourself.

I guess why people who have low self esteems have major ego's.

Not that I have low self esteem...

you see I have two voices u_u

...scared?

I have my highly negative inner voice, beating the hell out of my personality and existence in general.

Then I have that other voice - you know, the Still Small One - the one I tend to ignore...to my disadvantage.

And then when I calm down and stop and listen and realise I was never alone - not even when I was crying my head off and begging for sleep so the ache would stop, so that I would feel some sort of peace...that at least for a few hours of the day I could have some time where I wouldn't have to think the hell out of myself.

cos when there is no-one who will hug you and when there is no one you can trust to tell everything to...I still have that Voice that tells me that everything will be ok. That I exist for a reason. That everyone needs me, even when they don't know it, that I will make a amazing life for myself, that everything in worth something.

And then when I listen...I have a better day and I can be of use to everyone I love and I make a better life for myself.

So yeah, that's why I know God is real...because that isn't my loud, irrational angry inner voice...it's someone who knows far better than I do.

And then I know I'm awesome for real and I'm not just telling myself that so I don't get suicidal tendencies.

God doesn't create anything that is un-awesome you know.

I just thought I would write something about what I believe in. Because it is very important to me. I don't just believe it because my parents do...it was my own choice.

Believe me I have argued with myself in my heart and head...

Asking myself if I just use my religion/beliefs as a safety net to get to heaven 'just in case'

but no. It actually makes me happy to be alive...more than my family, more than my interests, more than anything.

It's the only thing that has NEVER let me down.

A lot of people say,

'ohh you are goody goody...stop sucking up to people blah blah blah'

but I'm not...why should I swear if I don't want to? Why should I sleep around with 20 million guys to be a 'real woman'? Why should I do anything if I don't want to? Why should I be mean or cruel to be strong? Why should I drink myself senseless to have a good time?

Why are people so shocked?

The fact is I just don't want to...I'm happy how I am...I'm not doing anything wrong or offending anyone who DOES like to do those things.

So why do they feel like they should smirk and mock me?

AND

Why is it so hard for people to accept that you like them without an ulterior motive?

Its like they feel comfortable with you and then they stab you in the back, just in case you were thinking of hurting them.

Its like they want to win a game you aren't even playing.

It's flipping heartbreaking, especially when everything you feel about them is of maximum sincereness.

But nvm...I guess love is about being there for them, even if they beat on you...

I guess that's how you know that you really love someone.

For example (OFF THE RECORD) my sister is the person I love most in this world. I would probably die for her...or worse, sacrifice my pride for her (LMAO).

but the thought that she should feel the same way about me doesn't even cross my mind - in fact, I couldn't care less if she didn't - that's not why I love her.

Thats what love is...it can't be controlled, it's something that is given without any thought, it's constant and beautiful and most of the time it's invisible...sometimes people get so used to it that they don't even feel it.

They would feel it if it wasn't there though...

and that is the worst kind of lonliness.

Omg this post is deep LMAO!

I should totally shut up now and go to grandmas.

OH OH OH!!!

THIS SONG IS AMAZING!! I love this album!!! Its definitely going on my 'realistic Christmas List'

There is a ROCK version too!!

It's such a heavy song!

Ohhhh I just found out we are staying over at grandmas tonight...I guess that's because we are going to church there tomorrow, but my bestie wont be there because she has to go to one of her friend's babies Christening ceremonies.

That SELFISH baby!!! Taking my friend from me!!!!!

*cough*

Ok I should really get ready to go!!

Later my peeps,

Love Min

P.S. Someone on facebook who I generally dislike because they are EXTREMELY bumfaced to my sister just spelled 'Mickey Mouse' wrong and I REAALLY want to go all Grammar Nazi on him as an excuse to make him feel small...but I shall refrain...I don't want his spelling to improve because I helped him...SO NOT WORTH!!

P.S.S. My dad actually just texted my sister to tell us to get ready, rather than shouting up the stairs....HE IS FUNNEH!!!

bye bye see you!! *waves*