A Reminder to Everyone

Today has been a weird experience.

Like a REALLY good day and yet I feel so rotten.

I sort have had to block my mind from thinking too much, because I wanted to enjoy the day.

You know when you just concentrate on the present as hard as you can.

because I'm one of those people who overthinks, maybe that's why the lyrics to one of my favourite songs goes.

'I've been thinking - overthinking, but there's just to many scenarios to analyse, look in my eyes, cos you're my dream please come true.'

I often wonder why people overthink, because it does tend to make life so much more harder.

It like you make your biggest fears a reality in your head and then getting heartbroken by it...and nothing has happened yet.

sometimes they are misguided and unneeded fears, but you still overthink.

Maybe it's because you are trying to mentally prepare yourself for the worst so you can bear it more if it happens.

But that never works or would work, because if your worst fear came to pass you would still break no matter how much mental prep you had put yourself through.

Even if the break didn't show from the outside you would be inwardly crumbling until you were just a hollow shell.

So in conclusion, over thinking sucks and doesn't help either way and It would be healthy for me to stop.

I think to hope and to trust is a much more positive way of looking at things.

Even if it's hard to trust in people we should.

I think it's a necessary part of loving someone, to have faith in them and allow yourself to be vulnerable towards them. It let's then know how much they mean to you.

That's why I think pain walks hand in hand with love.

Because the people we love sometimes forget how much damage they can do. Sometimes they literally use our open heart as a punchbag to make themselves feel better.

and we let them, because we knew this might happen from the start, but we love them so we allow it.

I once wrote this.


A Message

Dear Loved One,

Listen carefully.

I'm not made of plastic,
I'm made of flesh.

If you cut me I will bleed.

I also wish to inform you, that pain in any relationship is inevitable.

Please try to limit causing me any as much as you can.

I know sometimes this is hard for a human as we are generally
a really ignorant, selfish and careless race.

but sensitivity would be very much appreciated.

I can handle a few blows darling, but eventually I will die.

This is just a reminder, not just for you, but for me as well...

though to be honest, I sometimes doubt my ability at causing any
feeling withing you. At least if I knew I had the power to hurt you
it would mean that you cared...

but that's a whole other story

and I'm so tired and confused right now...

Truly,

The One who Loves You.

I guess that's kind of how I feel right now...and I'm still confused. For a number of reasons I guess.

Could be the humid weather
Could be that I'm tired
Could be something to do with hormones (LOL)
Could be that I'm scared
Could be that calm time after an active week where you get a chance to overthink haha
Could be all those reasons scrambled together

Maybe I should stop concentrating on how I feel all the time and start trying to make other people happier, then one day maybe I will wake up and realize,

'I'm happy.'

Because, because of me someone else was enjoying life more...

So it's like an indirect selfishness haha

because you help them
so they are happy
which makes you happy
because they need you

I guess that's why I'm a little weird today.
Maybe today I'm tired to make an effort
and need someone to let me know I am special to them...

I know it's a long shot, but I am a flawed human being after all...however much I say I'm not.

Its just one of those days where life throws a stinker at you.

I will just have to laugh and say,

'Oh life, I'm just too tired to give a crap.'

My new day's resolution for tomorrow should be,

'For goodness sake, Minnie, please try not to overthink.'

And to those who know me.

Please, for goodness sake, don't say things that will worry or upset me cos it goes straight to heart...even if I don't let it show.

LOL

Apologies again for such a ranting post...it's a days worth of constricted emotion bubbling to the surface at once.

As for the good part of today, we babysat for Haito and Kaito and Lulu again today and it was LUSH.

They are the sweetest nicest kids I've ever met HANDS DOWN.

And I've met a lot of kids.

Lulu said I was a princess too and that my hair smelled delicious so obviously I was very flattered haha.

We took Sammy too and they loved playing with him, he was such a good boy. So well behaved too, I was shocked...even though once we took our eyes off him for a moment and he disappeared only to be found wandering about the bedrooms in the top of the house haha.

That side of the day was extremely lovely and it was nice to get out of the house for the day and be in another environment.

However, tomorrow we are going to Manchester for the church service there and I can't be bothered with it. I'm sure I won't mind when I get there, but the thought of driving down there bores me to tears.

Although it is the international service. So there will be lots of different kinds of food to eat after muahahaha.

AND of course, I get to pass my Min Ho picture to my friend in exchange for money. Though actually...I feel he is worth more than that...I am kind of attatched to that picture.

I think it's because when you draw you put a bit of your heart into the picture and when you sell it, you sell part of your heart too.

It's a bit sad...almost as if, money isn't worth it.

but having a picture doesn't buy plane tickets does it?

having money does.

Goodnight Sweethearts,

I feel a lot better after ranting and everything

Thank you so much for reading.

Love From Minnie

P.S. No matter what happens, if I'm upset, angry, confused or emotionally drained. In every part of the day and what ever you do - bad or good. It's impossible for me not to love you.

Though sometimes I wish you were deformed, charmless and utterly unattractive...for very selfish reasons.