Gotta Get this off My Chest

You know, its hard trying to be happy after this week.

I am trying though, but then I get this feeling that rushes over me.

You know, that feeling like as if a cold hand is grabbing your heart.

It's so hard to shake off sometimes.

Sometimes I wish I could cry and let it out that way, but I really don't feel like crying.

It's not that kind of feeling.

It's like sort of...I feel nothing at all, like I'm completely numb and then every so often I feel everything at once and it kills like mad.

I'm not trying to be emo and I try and distract myself as much as possible...but I just wish this feeling would get the hell away from me.

but for all those reading, don't worry ne? I'm trying my best to be positive about EVERYTHING. I just need to let it all out here because I'll feel better...you know how it is. Not healthy to keep things eating away inside and such.

I feel better already even, lol.

Thank you for all your kind words and stuff, I really do appreciate it. It means a lot to me. I realise that you are not there to make me feel better and I don't want to use you all for that, but you really do.

I was feeling so down earlier and I went on twitter to emo spam and YJ was there and we just talked about random stuff, but she just makes me smile.

And to be honest having friends and family that can make me feel happy and better about being alive just by being alive themselves is so much more fulfilling than anything I could have had, but lost.

I look back now and realize I'm blessed, because I've only ever lost things I've WANTED. I've never lost anything I have NEEDED.

Sarah makes me laugh, because she sometimes catches me when the whole world collapses round my shoulders.

Like yesterday we were watching The Princess Diaries and I said,

'Sarah...'

She was like,

'What?'

then I thought,

'Oh nevermind I don't wanna be depressing and this feeling will pass in a minute so meh.'

then I reply to her,

'Oh nothing it doesn't matter.'

then she says in an irritated voice,

'Tell me now Minnie!!!'

Me,

'Nonooo it doesn't matter I'm serious.'

Sarah,

'TELL ME NOW!!! YOU ARE DOING THAT WEIRD SMILE YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE EMBARRASSED TO TELL ME SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WILL ANNOY ME!!!'

(I admit I do do a weird smile, when I think about certain things and Sarah catches me and says

'STOP IT, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!!!'

. Of course I strongly deny it, but it's all lies XD Apparently I can be read like an open book, oh dear haha)

At this point she gets the remote and pauses the movie and her expression is like
-.-.

'tell me now'

By this time, the feeling of depression has lifted and I'm just amused.

'Nooo, it fine now, PRESS PLAY!!!.'

She pulls a serious angry face, but I know if I look at her for more than 10 seconds she will smile, because I'm magic like that.

To be honest she held out quite well, but she couldn't help but smile - which annoys her even more XD.

'Just press play, I wanna watch!!!!'

I say

She pulls the -.- face at me again and then presses play.

It funny how the simplest of moments can make you smile isn't it?

So!!!

ON TO THE NEXT WEEK!!!

Things I am hoping for next week -

My passport arriving *hopes*
Hearing news about the Taeyangs deluxe which is heading my way
Going to see Eclipse with Sarah
Hoping people will not ask how I did in my results >_<
Hoping to find a great job that I will enjoy.
Hoping the people I need will need me too *sigh*
Hoping Zaty eonnie will recieve her ELT hoodie XD
Hoping the knot in my stomach goes away
Hoping for inspiration!!!

----

Yesterday I met some kids who's dad is Japanese. They are the grandchildren of my sisters employee (who is also a good friend of my mum).

THEY ARE SOOO CUTE!!!
Especially the little girl!! She is called Lulu and 4 years old and SO cute.

She asked me what my name was and I said,

'You can call me Michelle or Minnie.'

She was like,

'Imma call you Michelle because I like that better.'

I was like *in a serious voice*

'Ok then, I will allow you, but you know this is a special privilege.'

....

by the end of the day she was calling me,

'Tiny.'

because I'm shorter than my sister haha.

Her brothers are so cute too, the oldest one LOVES collecting frogs and insects. And he had random animals in jars and buckets all around the garden. We ended up having a frog race in this big pipe that was filled with water...his frog won. Mine was too slow, figures.

The middle boy is the quietest of the three and he is probably the coolest. He just sits back and observes his older brother and younger sister and looks amused.

He said to me,

'Those two always fight and I just watch them.'

His hair is lush, it has red in it because his mum is Caucasian...he wont even need to dye it when he's older haha.

They are all a bit sad because they are moving to Japan in a months time because their dad got a new job. So I hope they settle in straight away and it's great for them.

Ahh anyway, I must take my doggy for a walk and hopefully my brain will clear some more in the fresh air.

See you later darlings!!

Love from Minnie