Everything You Ever Wanted

I'm having a strange moody day.

You know the kind that takes you to highs and lows?

I really feel like...broken???

Then I find little things that make me UBER positive and hyperactive and everything is going to be ok-ish

and then I feel like an idiot for making myself get exited over nothing.

It seems my self confidence has depleted along with any desire I have to do...well, anything.

I was going to be able to make a few hundred pounds over this holiday period with art commissions.

I had 6 lined up to do for various people.

It feels like my hands have been stapled to the ground.

I tried drawing today, but my heart was not in it at all...I forced myself for 2 hours and scrapped like 3 tries because I just wasn't getting anywhere.

I know I must seem silly getting all emotional over a ruined picture, but it was something I put my heart into and it was something I was proud of

and seeing it like this -



kind of breaks my heart a bit, and I wonder why some people just think I'm going to be ok with it after a,

'Sorry I tore your picture and smashed your art supplies to pieces.'

It wasn't just a picture...it was something I poured hours and hours and hours of work into, took 4 months to (almost) complete...and it was also a gift for someone.

but no...I have to forget about it and smile and say I'm fine...otherwise I would be just SO SO selfish.

Now I just feel how I look -



Completely blank...and hoping that tomorrow I will find some energy somewhere that will inspire me.

My dreams seem so redundant right now.

The thought of them is painful because they seem miles and miles away.

So yeah, I'm in a 'slightly' bad mood so don't take it personal if I go all female dog on you. I'm trying not to, but I tend to keep taking out my annoyance on people.

I don't mean it.

I suppose it's insensitive of me...knowing what being the blacksheep/scapegoat of the family is like. I shouldn't treat others like how I hate being treated.

but, it happens, and I am human...but I'm trying to be a better person.

Its just everyone else doesn't seem to see when I do try and that kind of pulls me down.

and yeah, I'm sorry...I'm writing another 'woe is me' post...but I'm feeling hella sorry for myself, so grant me it just this once.

Tomorrow will be better (hopefully)

Anyway...away from the emo stuff, Sarah and I were watching 'Miranda' which is a British sitcom which we find to be HILARIOUS.

So there is one episode where she stays at a hotel and there is this room service guy who is the cutest darn fudger on TV!

We googled him and his name is Luke Pasqualino.

He really does have the OMO factor, even if he is only 20 years old....I know, nuna complex.

but, anyway, he is British but of Italian descent...which is just SO UMPH!

So Im just gonna picture spam him here, because looking at him just makes me feel tons better.

He's just completely HNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-worthy.

How is such a creature even in my country?

Yeah, I had to close tumblr to stop myself from saving anymore of his pictures. I have to save space for Big Bang's comeback.

OH btw - ITS DECEMBER 1st!!!

I'm going to take that on board...new fresh start in the morning.

I will try and lay all bitterness behind me. Give my problems to God and let Him deal with it.

Wow, that sounds so epically lazy of me.

Maybe I should let Him deal with me rather than my problems *sigh*

And I want to go to town and buy myself some brand new art supplies...then there is just the annoying task of breaking them in...pastels are kind of like jeans - you have to wear down them a bit until they get how you like them.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to get a lush bath, go for an invigorating walk in the snow with my puppydog and release some energy into my braincells.

Also.

to the silent person who blew up all over the place. I know I was being an ass yesterday, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings...it wasn't intentional, I just wasn't thinking. And if it's any consolation, your verbal demonstration hurt me to the core...but I guess you knew that it would.

Not that I'm saying you were right to do that...because you weren't at all....but what I am saying is, I'm sorry for what I did.

And I should really go to sleep. Its 1am and my arm is spazzing up.

GoodNight people,

Love Minnie



HOHOHO SWEET DREAMS :D :D

(all pics taken from tumblrrrrrr)