I want to line the pieces up, yours and mine -

I heard some bad news today about a friend and its just even more proof that in life change happens to you whether you want it to or not.

and sometimes it REALLY SUCKS!

but that's how we as people grow stronger and more able.

That's why we should be sensitive to everyone around us, because we are all going through changes.

I feel so bitter at the moment, I'm really sorry for all the negative blog posts at the moment, this week has been wretched to me....

or rather, its not the week which has been doing my head in, but rather myself, trying to cope with stuff I can't really cope with.

My mentality is taking a huge beating and I think it's having an affect on my physical health aka loss of weight and restless sleeps.

And its not just one thing bothering me either its a hoard of things.

What I rant about here is just the tip of the iceburg. I keep a lot of things silent. In fact, I force myself to forget about things that bother me, but then they suddenly all leap out of my memory at once and harass me until I just want to curl up on my bed and just sleep all the time.

And I am aware we have to take care of our problems face on, and I'm not even scared of doing that...its just i'm so lazy.

Ok so -

One of my oldest friends is upset and I can't say anything because there are some people who don't know why yet, so it has to be kept quiet.

I need a flaming job so bad, my lack of one make everything else IMPOSSIBLE.

My uni friends keep asking me if I'm going to the graduation, which keeps reminding me that I have to retake my final year because I FAILED my degree.

Which makes me think....

'19 years of education and I still have nothing to show for it.'

And I know that's a weird way to look at it but you know....its really depressing.

My grandma talks about her friends grandchildren now, because they have degrees now...all she can ask me is

'Do you have a job yet?'

and all I can say is,

'No'

I have no idea what to do.

I do have dreams, but even when I think perhaps I can actually make one come true, there is always something or someone who pulls me down about it.

Some of the most amazing people I know live 3278971246918248 miles away, so at times like these I cant even get a hug from them.

and I cant be there for them when they need me too.

Lots of people presume they know what I'm like, but actually they don't.

How can they know??? I freaking don't even know what I am half the time and I know me better than anyone.

And the people who do know me better than most just take me for granted

AND IM JUST SO FRUSTERATED!!! aDFLJANFSDLASNDF

On top of the usual crap I have, this week my wisdom teeth are just a nightmare, I just want to CLAW them out.

OH WHATEVER!

I cant stand it all anymore

I just wrote a huge rant and deleted it all because it was wrong.

And I have limited time in which to have my emotional breakdowns before I need to be cheerful again.

and its a BEAUTIFUL day!!

With clear blue skies.

Right I must think positive!!!!

What is good about my life???

Well Im breathing for one

I have a roof over my head

I live in a country where there is free speech

I eat food everyday

I am healthy

I have everything I need and more

I have a complete family

I have my extended family

I have great interest in awesome things

I can draw

I love someone :) (he has his faults, only one of which is being the single most irritating person to EVER HAVE walked this planet...but he has wonderful moments that completely completely make up for it until I just forget that he ever annoyed me.)

Because after crying I feel so darn good.

Because I have triplets who are so amazing I just cannot even. I spazzed out at mico today about my weird past and it felt so nice when someone listened. Thankyou my dongsaeng T___T

because my dog has the CUTEST snoring ever!!! And its making me giggle even though Im trying hard not to because I dont want to wake him up.

Because in a few minutes Im going to take my sister out for a burger and I thought the cafe would close within the next hour but actually it closes at 8pm :)

Actually Im going now!

My mind will be lush and refreshed!!!

BRB!!!

Emmm, ok then...its 11:18pm....dinner was nice XD

After our meal (which we spent discussing our weird and unnatural upbringing) we went to check up on Tia our pony....she was fine btw :D

It was a nice walk.

Sarah said to me,

'Be careful you don't walk behind the horses, they might kick you in the head.'

I looked at her and then she laughed and said,

'I'm kidding, nothing good like that ever happens.'

She is a delightful child.

When we got home I had the most unimaginable indigestion which comes from eating nothing all day then stuffing my face...which reminds me, I still have half a pecan in my bag...I guess I know what breakfast will be mushahahahah.

Sarah and I discussed earlier that we felt like playing Kingdom Hearts 2 again. So we put it on after my tummy had calmed down (I have tummy issues...my family get annoyed at me complaining about it all the time XD).

Theres this part in the game where you have to do little jobs in order to save money so you can go for a day out to the beach (jobs are so much more easier to get in games).

Anyway one of the jobs was delivering five letters while on a skateboard and I completed it, but then suddenly Sarah and I got into this massive battle about who could deliver the letters in the fastest time...each time we beat each others record we screamed,

'I WIN, IM THE BEST!!!'

In each others faces.

Then after that got old we switched the PS2 off and finished watching series one of Arrested Development.

Now I have this HUGE desire to purchase season 2 even though I know I shouldn't.

I took all my willpower to ignore that buy one get one free in the Disney dvd section at the store...I need to save because I don't want to be broke on Saturday.

After Arrested Development was finished Sarah said,

'Shall we go make tea listening to 2NE1's 'Fire' and then watch more Avatar epi's?'

I agreed this was a good plan, and proceeded to dance around the kitchen to 'Fire' and 'I don't care' because no one was there to see apart from Sam and Sarah :D

Sam thought it was all a game and kept bringing his ball to my feet and staring at it.

So I started playing hide and seek with him.

This is where, I throw the ball into the front room and while he goes to fetch it, I hide behind the kitchen cabinets.

He brings the ball back to the kitchen and discovers I'm gone and proceeds to search for me.

When he finds me, I scream in his face...(because being found is SCARY)and this makes him all hyper and he starts running round the house like a complete lunatic.

You must realise that both of my parents are away tonight...and this is how the household is when I'm put in charge.

I think after almost 10 years, the neighbours must be used to it by now.

Once the tea was made Sarah and I went and watched some more episodes of Avatar, but I fell asleep (AGAIN) half way through one.

Its weird, but when I start dozing off I keep seeing my sisters facebook profile picture.

I ALWAYS see it when I fall asleep. Its like this picture of Luffy from One Peice smiling really big...I don't mind or anything, cos Luffy is a babe...but its still kind of weird.

I told Sarah this and she said,

'Ohhh yeah, that happens.'

So that's pretty much my day...I wasn't even going to post this because I'm so darn tired, but when I washed my face I woke myself up a bit.

Now I can rest :)

Sorry about my emoness earlier, I have emotional turmoil a lot...I'm still trying to be positive...cos I think my parents are going to have a rough time soon, so I have to be a positive influence in the house.

Aaaand (aang XD) its 12am. A brand new day.

But sleep time for me,

Night everyone.

Love From Minnie

P.S. Real attraction to someone does not come from how they behave when they are trying to impress you or make you happy, it is when they are being themselves without any falseness and you still manage to find yourself amazed by them.

I'm so proud to know people like that :)

I hang with some freaking attractive people.

(and considering I fell in love with half of them before I even saw their faces or heard their voices...well, that just shows how lush they are...fjnfdjkfnsjkdfjksf)

P.S. Here's some pretty words from the Kingdom Hearts opening sequence :)

Thinking of you, wherever you are.
We pray for our sorrows to end,
and hope that our hearts will blend.
Now I will step forward to realize this wish.
And who knows:
starting a new journey may not so hard
or maybe it has already begun.
There are many worlds,
but they share the same sky-
one sky, one destiny.

Sleep ~