Won't Stop 'till You Surrender ~

I thought I should write a post.

Mainly because I am going to be away for the next few weeks, not because I actually have something I want to say.

Ooo 11:11 - how bout that then? :D

I'm listening to 'Sweet Disposition' by The Temper Trap. It's an amazing song. One of my current favourites.

My day started at 6am and I got a bath. I bet it's nice for you, as you sit and read this, to know that the author is a clean person. Am I right?

Anyway, I sat a baby most of the day. The most satisfying point of which was the part where the baby said, 'Big Bang' after I'd spent about 30 minutes screaming the words 'Big Bang' in his face.

I'm sorry, I'm in SUCH a foul mood today. I just have to rant this out.

So I woke up this morning REALLY wanting to be a better person. You know when you start the day with a really great and positive mindset - well thats how I was, really fresh, really open.

and now

I want to stab someone in the face - or at least let loose a volley of verbal abuse that would make someone want to stab themselves in the face.

Yes, I agree, this is a terrible thing for me to want, but this is my position right now and I'm just being honest about it.

The fact is, for the past year or so, someone very close to me has been going insane. That's the only reason I can possible conceive in my mind that would produce such irrational behaviour from another human being.

I've tried my best to be patient with this person - in fact - I am being patient with them right now, by writing all this here and not ripping my hair out and screaming in exasperation right in their face.

but, it's really getting too much and I don't know how much I can take. Especially when other people besides myself are becoming increasingly aware of the suffering this is causing.

I know this may all seem kind of vague and strange, but I'm not saying who this person is because I am being nice - that's basically it.

I could say I'm not saying their name out of respect, but I actually can't find any respect for them within myself at the moment - there may be some there somewhere, I really don't know.

All I can say is this, how on EARTH can I respect someone who bullies and treats me and my sister like crap and then EXPECTS us to act respectful towards them.

I actually want to cry, it's that bad. I've actually looked within myself to try and find if it's actually me who is in the wrong and I have tried SO hard to be understanding and genuine, but it's wearing down.

I know if it wasn't for Gods grace I would have spontaneously combusted a LONG time ago.

Ok to make all this mumble jumble simple.

Someone who is supposed to be a role model for me and my sister is abusing that role and then blaming and torturing us when we start to resent them.

I REALLY don't want to feel this way about someone. It's AWFUL. It's come to a point where I look at them and feel kind of disgusted.

I hate it. I don't want to be bitter and resentful, but everyday I try and make the effort they just get worse.

I'm really sorry, this is a completely horrid and negative post. I just had to spam this out somewhere.

Please pray for this situation of mine, it's a really hard one - I swear this is not over reacting.

I actually kind of hope you didn't read all of this, but if you did - thanks.

So confused. I'm so glad God loves me and He's always there when I need someone to lean on.

I'm going to go to sleep now anyway.

I really really love you for reading my crazies!

From Minnie