Ok, I'm borrowing a laptop to write this. It has very small keys.
I'm looking out of the window of what will be my bedroom for the next year.
I like this room, It has an amazing view over the garden and then the countryside beyond. There are at LEAST three apple trees in view. If only the branches came closer to the window, I could reach out and pick one, rather than go downstairs and get food from the kitchen.
That is SO lazy.
The emo-ness from yesterday has gone, though, it does come back a little when I think of my dog. I will sorely miss my dog. Yesterday I even got my sister to put the phone near his head so I could hear him panting - It may seem weird to you, but meh, I don't actually care.
I realize that I haven't really been blogging recently and that will change, but I have to be settled first and I also have to save for a new laptop. My slowing down of writing this shizzle isn't because I don't want to anymore. It's just because I've not been able to.
It's going to be so weird having a wage. It's also going to be so weird working and actually getting money for it. I don't mind working for no money, because then it makes working FOR money feel like a treat haha.
OH YEAH! I went camping last weekend, It was an AMAZING time. I was feeling really negative about it before it happened because things seemed to be going wrong, but my feelings were happily proven wrong.
More reason why we should never follow our feelings blindly.
So it rained the whole weekend (mostly) but we managed to go down a mine and go boating - which was utterly fabulous, we all got soaked and had races on the lake and pretended to be pirates.
I was able to be completely immature, which utterly suits me fine. It was amusing because I was the oldest acting like the youngest and the youngest was the one who acted like the oldest - though to be honest, none of us were behaving very maturely.
I wish I could relate the whole trip word by word, but it was all so good I wouldn't know where to begin. The card games were wicked too, I learned a host of new games. The best one was called Chinese
Snap I don't know why this particular version of snap is called 'Chinese', but it's kind of typical that my favourite game would be somewhat Asian related.
Actually, I'm feeling a bit rough today. I just dosed myself up with paracetamol to numb a growing headache and my tummy is being a bit iffy as well - UGH.
But you know, you have to live with these things and conquer them otherwise you always end up complaining about life and I don't want to be like that.
Still, I should probably go for a nap soon and sleep it off while I can.
In fact, I will do that now.
Talk soon me lovelies!
Min
Showing posts with label deep stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep stuff. Show all posts
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Beautiful Motions
Hello mi lovelies!
Just sat relaxing listening to 'I'm the best' by 2NE1. I love this song.
It's pretty much saying - You are the best and you should think that because you are.
No one else is you, therefore, when you say. 'I am the best.' Its true innit!?
There is nothing more tiring than trying to live up to expectations, because you have given a false impression of who you are to the outer world.
That's why I try and be myself always. It's darn hard at times too, especially if you want to make a good impression and you are having a low self esteem moment and you don't think there is anything good within yourself to offer.
My advice is, even if it's a bad day for you, still be yourself, because sooner or later people find out who you are and the last thing you want is for them to realise you are a liar.
The other reason I like the 'I'm the Best' by 2NE1 is because I have a crush on Park Bom - she's God's definition of lushness, in human form.
When I went on holiday I got a new hardback sketchpad. I'm very excited about it, mainly because I've never actually had a proper sketchbook. I usually just draw on printer paper or get those pads you can rip paper out of.
I'm looking forward to when I've actually filled the whole book with drawings and experiments and it will be such a satisfying thing for me. The best part of it though is that its a permanent thing. All the drawings in there will stay in there, all my work for me.
There is something icky about putting your time and energy into a drawing and then selling it or giving it away. It's like you've given someone a piece of yourself. I don't mind if someone has asked me to do a picture for them specifically and I know from the start it isn't mine.
It's those times when I draw a picture just for the pleasure of art and then someone says, 'So how much is that worth?' or 'How much will you sell that for?' OR 'Can't you give me that?'
SDFHALSKFJLASK AWFUL!
Personally for me - drawing is something that I enjoy and get pleasure from. It's kind of like a husband hahahaha. No, but really...it's not only joy, but it's like a beautiful frustration. It's an element of madness in my existence. To be honest, I can't describe the feeling - but if you have something that you use to express yourself, something within you that you are so sure of - then imagine a person asking for it for a price?
It's seriously vomit inducing.
LOL at me getting all dramatic.
Everyone has a random variety of obsessions throughout life, but there's always that one thing that is with you from the day you were born till the day you die - something that is a part of your whole definition.
I guess it must be a type of love.
My poor bladder is telling me I have been drinking far too much tea. I think I shall go empty it and then proceed to fill it again. My bladder is so good to me, I can't even.
I should go now.
Disclaimer - The reason my blog is filled with emotional vomit is probably fuelled by the fact that Roger Federer, my athletic hero, was beaten yesterday in an incredible match and I have not yet recovered.
It was my summer dream to watch another Wimbledon final between Roger and Nadal - who are in my personal opinion - ASFOUALSHIJFKA SFOHAUKSLJNFA SYFPIHOALSKF UASY*OPQIHFLJKASF YPOASIHLFKNAS FOYUHJSLKFA YFIOHLKASF UAIHSKLFJ LASUFPAJSLF UAPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so much more.
I feel grateful to God that He allowed me to watch the French open final between Federer and Nadal, but there are great sobbings in my heart.
Roger is such a gentleman and my future child will probably be named after him in some way. He is the best athlete of my lifetime and I am in mourning because the Wimbledon final is going to be lacking with the loss of his swashbuckling, truly beautiful and skilled style of playing tennis.
Perfection in streamlined motion.
*BIG SIGH*
*goes to drown in tea*
Love Min
P.S. I also want to verbally abuse and then slowly and painfully murder anyone who finds any joy in the defeat of Roger - Lord help me. Like I feel this strongly!
Just sat relaxing listening to 'I'm the best' by 2NE1. I love this song.
It's pretty much saying - You are the best and you should think that because you are.
No one else is you, therefore, when you say. 'I am the best.' Its true innit!?
There is nothing more tiring than trying to live up to expectations, because you have given a false impression of who you are to the outer world.
That's why I try and be myself always. It's darn hard at times too, especially if you want to make a good impression and you are having a low self esteem moment and you don't think there is anything good within yourself to offer.
My advice is, even if it's a bad day for you, still be yourself, because sooner or later people find out who you are and the last thing you want is for them to realise you are a liar.
The other reason I like the 'I'm the Best' by 2NE1 is because I have a crush on Park Bom - she's God's definition of lushness, in human form.
When I went on holiday I got a new hardback sketchpad. I'm very excited about it, mainly because I've never actually had a proper sketchbook. I usually just draw on printer paper or get those pads you can rip paper out of.
I'm looking forward to when I've actually filled the whole book with drawings and experiments and it will be such a satisfying thing for me. The best part of it though is that its a permanent thing. All the drawings in there will stay in there, all my work for me.
There is something icky about putting your time and energy into a drawing and then selling it or giving it away. It's like you've given someone a piece of yourself. I don't mind if someone has asked me to do a picture for them specifically and I know from the start it isn't mine.
It's those times when I draw a picture just for the pleasure of art and then someone says, 'So how much is that worth?' or 'How much will you sell that for?' OR 'Can't you give me that?'
SDFHALSKFJLASK AWFUL!
Personally for me - drawing is something that I enjoy and get pleasure from. It's kind of like a husband hahahaha. No, but really...it's not only joy, but it's like a beautiful frustration. It's an element of madness in my existence. To be honest, I can't describe the feeling - but if you have something that you use to express yourself, something within you that you are so sure of - then imagine a person asking for it for a price?
It's seriously vomit inducing.
LOL at me getting all dramatic.
Everyone has a random variety of obsessions throughout life, but there's always that one thing that is with you from the day you were born till the day you die - something that is a part of your whole definition.
I guess it must be a type of love.
My poor bladder is telling me I have been drinking far too much tea. I think I shall go empty it and then proceed to fill it again. My bladder is so good to me, I can't even.
I should go now.
Disclaimer - The reason my blog is filled with emotional vomit is probably fuelled by the fact that Roger Federer, my athletic hero, was beaten yesterday in an incredible match and I have not yet recovered.
It was my summer dream to watch another Wimbledon final between Roger and Nadal - who are in my personal opinion - ASFOUALSHIJFKA SFOHAUKSLJNFA SYFPIHOALSKF UASY*OPQIHFLJKASF YPOASIHLFKNAS FOYUHJSLKFA YFIOHLKASF UAIHSKLFJ LASUFPAJSLF UAPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And so much more.
I feel grateful to God that He allowed me to watch the French open final between Federer and Nadal, but there are great sobbings in my heart.
Roger is such a gentleman and my future child will probably be named after him in some way. He is the best athlete of my lifetime and I am in mourning because the Wimbledon final is going to be lacking with the loss of his swashbuckling, truly beautiful and skilled style of playing tennis.
Perfection in streamlined motion.
*BIG SIGH*
*goes to drown in tea*
Love Min
P.S. I also want to verbally abuse and then slowly and painfully murder anyone who finds any joy in the defeat of Roger - Lord help me. Like I feel this strongly!
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Resurrect the Saint from Within the Wretch
Cos I could spend my life just trying to sift through what I could have done better, but what good do what-if's do? ~
- Forget and Not Slow Down by Relient K
I'm listening to that song, it's so amazing. It makes me think about how I tend to think about too much crap in my life and not move on.
Like my lack of motility on any direction, because I have these voices in my head that say,
I could go on...the funny thing is, I'm the one who is actually saying that to myself...I mean other people are mean, but no one is as mean as the judge inside yourself.
I guess why people who have low self esteems have major ego's.
Not that I have low self esteem...
- Forget and Not Slow Down by Relient K
I'm listening to that song, it's so amazing. It makes me think about how I tend to think about too much crap in my life and not move on.
Like my lack of motility on any direction, because I have these voices in my head that say,
'You can't do that, you can't do this, you aren't good enough, you always fail why even bother, they don't like you, you are rubbish, you don't understand anything, you will never amount to anything, your dreams are hopeless, the little confidence you have is actually false, you are of no use to anybody, you are a disgrace, you are a waste of time, you are a waste of space....'
I could go on...the funny thing is, I'm the one who is actually saying that to myself...I mean other people are mean, but no one is as mean as the judge inside yourself.
I guess why people who have low self esteems have major ego's.
Not that I have low self esteem...
you see I have two voices u_u
...scared?
I have my highly negative inner voice, beating the hell out of my personality and existence in general.
Then I have that other voice - you know, the Still Small One - the one I tend to ignore...to my disadvantage.
And then when I calm down and stop and listen and realise I was never alone - not even when I was crying my head off and begging for sleep so the ache would stop, so that I would feel some sort of peace...that at least for a few hours of the day I could have some time where I wouldn't have to think the hell out of myself.
cos when there is no-one who will hug you and when there is no one you can trust to tell everything to...I still have that Voice that tells me that everything will be ok. That I exist for a reason. That everyone needs me, even when they don't know it, that I will make a amazing life for myself, that everything in worth something.
And then when I listen...I have a better day and I can be of use to everyone I love and I make a better life for myself.
So yeah, that's why I know God is real...because that isn't my loud, irrational angry inner voice...it's someone who knows far better than I do.
And then I know I'm awesome for real and I'm not just telling myself that so I don't get suicidal tendencies.
God doesn't create anything that is un-awesome you know.
I just thought I would write something about what I believe in. Because it is very important to me. I don't just believe it because my parents do...it was my own choice.
Believe me I have argued with myself in my heart and head...
Asking myself if I just use my religion/beliefs as a safety net to get to heaven 'just in case'
but no. It actually makes me happy to be alive...more than my family, more than my interests, more than anything.
It's the only thing that has NEVER let me down.
A lot of people say,
but I'm not...why should I swear if I don't want to? Why should I sleep around with 20 million guys to be a 'real woman'? Why should I do anything if I don't want to? Why should I be mean or cruel to be strong? Why should I drink myself senseless to have a good time?
Why are people so shocked?
The fact is I just don't want to...I'm happy how I am...I'm not doing anything wrong or offending anyone who DOES like to do those things.
So why do they feel like they should smirk and mock me?
AND
Why is it so hard for people to accept that you like them without an ulterior motive?
Its like they feel comfortable with you and then they stab you in the back, just in case you were thinking of hurting them.
Its like they want to win a game you aren't even playing.
It's flipping heartbreaking, especially when everything you feel about them is of maximum sincereness.
I have my highly negative inner voice, beating the hell out of my personality and existence in general.
Then I have that other voice - you know, the Still Small One - the one I tend to ignore...to my disadvantage.
And then when I calm down and stop and listen and realise I was never alone - not even when I was crying my head off and begging for sleep so the ache would stop, so that I would feel some sort of peace...that at least for a few hours of the day I could have some time where I wouldn't have to think the hell out of myself.
cos when there is no-one who will hug you and when there is no one you can trust to tell everything to...I still have that Voice that tells me that everything will be ok. That I exist for a reason. That everyone needs me, even when they don't know it, that I will make a amazing life for myself, that everything in worth something.
And then when I listen...I have a better day and I can be of use to everyone I love and I make a better life for myself.
So yeah, that's why I know God is real...because that isn't my loud, irrational angry inner voice...it's someone who knows far better than I do.
And then I know I'm awesome for real and I'm not just telling myself that so I don't get suicidal tendencies.
God doesn't create anything that is un-awesome you know.
I just thought I would write something about what I believe in. Because it is very important to me. I don't just believe it because my parents do...it was my own choice.
Believe me I have argued with myself in my heart and head...
Asking myself if I just use my religion/beliefs as a safety net to get to heaven 'just in case'
but no. It actually makes me happy to be alive...more than my family, more than my interests, more than anything.
It's the only thing that has NEVER let me down.
A lot of people say,
'ohh you are goody goody...stop sucking up to people blah blah blah'
but I'm not...why should I swear if I don't want to? Why should I sleep around with 20 million guys to be a 'real woman'? Why should I do anything if I don't want to? Why should I be mean or cruel to be strong? Why should I drink myself senseless to have a good time?
Why are people so shocked?
The fact is I just don't want to...I'm happy how I am...I'm not doing anything wrong or offending anyone who DOES like to do those things.
So why do they feel like they should smirk and mock me?
AND
Why is it so hard for people to accept that you like them without an ulterior motive?
Its like they feel comfortable with you and then they stab you in the back, just in case you were thinking of hurting them.
Its like they want to win a game you aren't even playing.
It's flipping heartbreaking, especially when everything you feel about them is of maximum sincereness.
But nvm...I guess love is about being there for them, even if they beat on you...
I guess that's how you know that you really love someone.
For example (OFF THE RECORD) my sister is the person I love most in this world. I would probably die for her...or worse, sacrifice my pride for her (LMAO).
but the thought that she should feel the same way about me doesn't even cross my mind - in fact, I couldn't care less if she didn't - that's not why I love her.
Thats what love is...it can't be controlled, it's something that is given without any thought, it's constant and beautiful and most of the time it's invisible...sometimes people get so used to it that they don't even feel it.
They would feel it if it wasn't there though...
and that is the worst kind of lonliness.
Omg this post is deep LMAO!
I should totally shut up now and go to grandmas.
OH OH OH!!!
THIS SONG IS AMAZING!! I love this album!!! Its definitely going on my 'realistic Christmas List'
There is a ROCK version too!!
It's such a heavy song!
Ohhhh I just found out we are staying over at grandmas tonight...I guess that's because we are going to church there tomorrow, but my bestie wont be there because she has to go to one of her friend's babies Christening ceremonies.
That SELFISH baby!!! Taking my friend from me!!!!!
*cough*
Ok I should really get ready to go!!
Later my peeps,
Love Min
P.S. Someone on facebook who I generally dislike because they are EXTREMELY bumfaced to my sister just spelled 'Mickey Mouse' wrong and I REAALLY want to go all Grammar Nazi on him as an excuse to make him feel small...but I shall refrain...I don't want his spelling to improve because I helped him...SO NOT WORTH!!
P.S.S. My dad actually just texted my sister to tell us to get ready, rather than shouting up the stairs....HE IS FUNNEH!!!
bye bye see you!! *waves*
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