Beautiful Motions

Hello mi lovelies!

Just sat relaxing listening to 'I'm the best' by 2NE1. I love this song.

It's pretty much saying - You are the best and you should think that because you are.
No one else is you, therefore, when you say. 'I am the best.' Its true innit!?

There is nothing more tiring than trying to live up to expectations, because you have given a false impression of who you are to the outer world.

That's why I try and be myself always. It's darn hard at times too, especially if you want to make a good impression and you are having a low self esteem moment and you don't think there is anything good within yourself to offer.

My advice is, even if it's a bad day for you, still be yourself, because sooner or later people find out who you are and the last thing you want is for them to realise you are a liar.

The other reason I like the 'I'm the Best' by 2NE1 is because I have a crush on Park Bom - she's God's definition of lushness, in human form.

When I went on holiday I got a new hardback sketchpad. I'm very excited about it, mainly because I've never actually had a proper sketchbook. I usually just draw on printer paper or get those pads you can rip paper out of.

I'm looking forward to when I've actually filled the whole book with drawings and experiments and it will be such a satisfying thing for me. The best part of it though is that its a permanent thing. All the drawings in there will stay in there, all my work for me.

There is something icky about putting your time and energy into a drawing and then selling it or giving it away. It's like you've given someone a piece of yourself. I don't mind if someone has asked me to do a picture for them specifically and I know from the start it isn't mine.

It's those times when I draw a picture just for the pleasure of art and then someone says, 'So how much is that worth?' or 'How much will you sell that for?' OR 'Can't you give me that?'

SDFHALSKFJLASK AWFUL!

Personally for me - drawing is something that I enjoy and get pleasure from. It's kind of like a husband hahahaha. No, but really...it's not only joy, but it's like a beautiful frustration. It's an element of madness in my existence. To be honest, I can't describe the feeling - but if you have something that you use to express yourself, something within you that you are so sure of - then imagine a person asking for it for a price?

It's seriously vomit inducing.

LOL at me getting all dramatic.

Everyone has a random variety of obsessions throughout life, but there's always that one thing that is with you from the day you were born till the day you die - something that is a part of your whole definition.

I guess it must be a type of love.

My poor bladder is telling me I have been drinking far too much tea. I think I shall go empty it and then proceed to fill it again. My bladder is so good to me, I can't even.

I should go now.

Disclaimer - The reason my blog is filled with emotional vomit is probably fuelled by the fact that Roger Federer, my athletic hero, was beaten yesterday in an incredible match and I have not yet recovered.

It was my summer dream to watch another Wimbledon final between Roger and Nadal - who are in my personal opinion - ASFOUALSHIJFKA SFOHAUKSLJNFA SYFPIHOALSKF UASY*OPQIHFLJKASF YPOASIHLFKNAS FOYUHJSLKFA YFIOHLKASF UAIHSKLFJ LASUFPAJSLF UAPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so much more.

I feel grateful to God that He allowed me to watch the French open final between Federer and Nadal, but there are great sobbings in my heart.

Roger is such a gentleman and my future child will probably be named after him in some way. He is the best athlete of my lifetime and I am in mourning because the Wimbledon final is going to be lacking with the loss of his swashbuckling, truly beautiful and skilled style of playing tennis.

Perfection in streamlined motion.

*BIG SIGH*

*goes to drown in tea*

Love Min

P.S. I also want to verbally abuse and then slowly and painfully murder anyone who finds any joy in the defeat of Roger - Lord help me. Like I feel this strongly!

Won't Stop 'till You Surrender ~

I thought I should write a post.

Mainly because I am going to be away for the next few weeks, not because I actually have something I want to say.

Ooo 11:11 - how bout that then? :D

I'm listening to 'Sweet Disposition' by The Temper Trap. It's an amazing song. One of my current favourites.

My day started at 6am and I got a bath. I bet it's nice for you, as you sit and read this, to know that the author is a clean person. Am I right?

Anyway, I sat a baby most of the day. The most satisfying point of which was the part where the baby said, 'Big Bang' after I'd spent about 30 minutes screaming the words 'Big Bang' in his face.

I'm sorry, I'm in SUCH a foul mood today. I just have to rant this out.

So I woke up this morning REALLY wanting to be a better person. You know when you start the day with a really great and positive mindset - well thats how I was, really fresh, really open.

and now

I want to stab someone in the face - or at least let loose a volley of verbal abuse that would make someone want to stab themselves in the face.

Yes, I agree, this is a terrible thing for me to want, but this is my position right now and I'm just being honest about it.

The fact is, for the past year or so, someone very close to me has been going insane. That's the only reason I can possible conceive in my mind that would produce such irrational behaviour from another human being.

I've tried my best to be patient with this person - in fact - I am being patient with them right now, by writing all this here and not ripping my hair out and screaming in exasperation right in their face.

but, it's really getting too much and I don't know how much I can take. Especially when other people besides myself are becoming increasingly aware of the suffering this is causing.

I know this may all seem kind of vague and strange, but I'm not saying who this person is because I am being nice - that's basically it.

I could say I'm not saying their name out of respect, but I actually can't find any respect for them within myself at the moment - there may be some there somewhere, I really don't know.

All I can say is this, how on EARTH can I respect someone who bullies and treats me and my sister like crap and then EXPECTS us to act respectful towards them.

I actually want to cry, it's that bad. I've actually looked within myself to try and find if it's actually me who is in the wrong and I have tried SO hard to be understanding and genuine, but it's wearing down.

I know if it wasn't for Gods grace I would have spontaneously combusted a LONG time ago.

Ok to make all this mumble jumble simple.

Someone who is supposed to be a role model for me and my sister is abusing that role and then blaming and torturing us when we start to resent them.

I REALLY don't want to feel this way about someone. It's AWFUL. It's come to a point where I look at them and feel kind of disgusted.

I hate it. I don't want to be bitter and resentful, but everyday I try and make the effort they just get worse.

I'm really sorry, this is a completely horrid and negative post. I just had to spam this out somewhere.

Please pray for this situation of mine, it's a really hard one - I swear this is not over reacting.

I actually kind of hope you didn't read all of this, but if you did - thanks.

So confused. I'm so glad God loves me and He's always there when I need someone to lean on.

I'm going to go to sleep now anyway.

I really really love you for reading my crazies!

From Minnie

I Also Like Clownfish

And this blog post will be dedicated to the deep and meaningful subject that is -

Minnie is and always will be for eternity an incessant noob

The past few hours have been for me, mortifying, to say the least.

My mother and sister have to go house sit for a friend to look after her cats while she is away on holiday in Greece.

This means, my mum can't do her other job cleaning the nursery because she would have to drive 20 miles each evening there and back and that's a silly waste of diesel.

Anyway, rather than take the time off, I and other family members said that we would do her cleaning job for her in the evenings.

Well today it was my turn, the events unfolded as follows -

*Went to nursery
*Unlocked door
*Door would not open
*panicked like hell because I could hear the alarm beeping
*Ran home fearfully
*Once I got home I realised the door didn't open because I'd forgotten to put the door code in
*Ran back to nursery
*By this time the alarm was BLARING down the street
*Decided it would be best to walk towards the door with a pace that looked like I knew what I was doing.
*Opened the door remembering to put the code in this time
*Ran to where the alarm is and quickly put the alarm code in
*Sighed a great sigh of relief when silence returned
*Cleaned the nursery for two hours thinking that the police would probably come and arrest me

They didn't.

This is why people should never ask me to do their jobs secretly, not only is it illegal, but I will definitely set burglar alarms off and draw attention to myself in the most horrific way.

I cringe just thinking about it. Seriously, what is actually wrong with me?!

No matter how hard I try to be a responsible human being I always end up feeling like a 3 year old.

Well at least I will be able to empathise with children.

I need a hug.

I made a video too, here it is -



Yes, that is the girl who sets off alarms and then runs away.

Well, never mind, this time next week I will be on holiday and near a beach where I can do no damage.
I would never damage a beach! I'm not one of those awful people who throws plastic into the sea.

I love baby birds. Even though they are naked and wrinkly they are adorabubble! When I watch nature programmes I always feel the urge to cry when I see the parent animals and birds looking after their young.

Especially baby owls, I just see them and tears form in my eyes and a lump grows in my throat - I don't know why this happens to me.

I ADORE nature! Every time I become aware of it or am made aware of it I realise why I chose to do Animal Management at Uni instead of art. I always tell myself I should have done art, but actually I DID do something I felt strongly about and I'm grateful for that opportunity. I am.

Ah, I have to wake up early tomorrow cos I'm baby sitting.

It get's late WAY too soon, I mean I am just about in the mood for some major Doctor Who lurking on tumblr, but wisdom tells me to sleep because there is only one week in the entire year where I can sleep for just eleven hours and that week has already passed.

I need my eight hours people :(

I'm so immature. Call me life experienced again and I'll slappa yo face! You don't know me! (long story)

*goes to bed*

I LOVE YOU!

From Min

You Taught Me all the Important Things

I'm kind of feeling good about myself because I did something happily - something that I would normally do unhappily.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm a slightly better person than I was a few weeks ago. It's a BIG maybe.

OO OO! its 11:11! ME LIKEY! I always think of like 3000 people when I see 11:11 and then wish to see them all...it's quite a stressful minute for me.

I've been watching this really amazing show called 'Leonardo' recently. In fact, I'm pretty obsessed with it.

It's actually a British kids programme about the young Leonardo Da Vinci - it has a lot of fun nicely mingled with historical fact. It's really inspired me to go back to drawing. because if you didn't know, Da Vinci is my most favourite artist of that period.

I was reading about him and was quite surprised that his procrastination was incredibly close to what mine is. He painted madly for a whole day and then did nothing on his piece for a week.

In fact, the more I read about him, the more I feel how alike we are. Other than he is an amazing master of art and genius person and I am Minnie.

but, I'm not comparing my artwork to his - that would be hilarious - just, I share some attitudes and characteristics with Leonardo Da Vinci, it gets me buzzed.

...though, I'm not a homosexual...like he possibly was LOOOL

Well lets just say, I am inspired, I spent most of today drawing - Asian people again - I love drawing Asian people. They are pretty and have nice eyes and skin.

I'll just upload what I did.

So basically, I've been asked to draw Taemin of SHINEE for a friend, so the first three pictures are just me practising how he looks, though, I kind of like my first attempt a lot and I might go ahead and use that one as the final.

THEN, I have people around me that frown at my love of drawing Asian males (though to be fair, drawing Taemin is not like drawing a man).

So I thought I would sketch CL from 2NE1 because I've never drawn her before. So I did a quick 10 minute-er with a graphite stick. It came out ok, not the best, but fun to do.

The final pic was just me experimenting with various mediums and styles and colours, I saw this gorgeous pic of Bom that I HAD to copy, I may re-do that pic in the future, because my version does not do her justice.

After I had worn out my artistic vibe for the day, I watched episodes of That 70's Show with my lil sis. It's completely unedifying and also completely hilarious.

SO

I was thinking about love and stuff today, and since I have named MOST of my children I thought It would probably be necessary for me to find someone to marry.

Then of course, I thought about different scenarios in which I meet my husband (I do that because I'm a girl and we do that - it happens naturally in our heads. If a girl says it doesn't happen she is a liar and STAY AWAY FROM HER because liars are not very trustworthy).

The scenario I chose as the best and most decent was this -

I lose my glasses, which basically means I'm blind and I don't have enough money to get a new pair (a very realistic scenario).

Then I meet this dude, I don't know where, but we become friends and eventually fall i lve and decide to marry, but the thing is, I have no idea what he looks like BECAUSE I HAVE NO GLASSES!

This way, I love him based on his actual self rather than how he looks.

Anyway, on our wedding day, he treats me a to a nice pair of contact lenses (because glasses are inappropriate for a bride).

As soon as I place them on my eyeballs I take my first glance at my dude and he so totally looks like a live action version of Prince Philip from the Disney animation of Sleeping Beauty.

Then we get married and have lots of children and I get to name them all!

The End

...Well, I can dream can't I?

I'm planning on drawing more tomorrow. I have creative ideas filling my head.

I've made it my mission in life to exercise my talents and train the weaker parts of me. Its basic common sense that practice leads to bigger accomplishments.

Well anyway, its 12am and I better sign off because Kevin is being laggy and I wanna read my Bible before I sleep.

Good Night! Oyasumi!

Love From Minnie

Full Potential

I'm having a really strange and messed up week. It's not all been bad, but I do feel there is a confliction going on somewhere in the deepest realms of my emotions or whatever.

I've been actually waking uo at horrendously stupid times - like 12:30pm

I DEEPLY HATE getting up that late (oo a rhyme!)

I think the main problem is that I have no actual goals for a day - no reason to wake up. So my inner brain doesn't feel any sort of urgency to send wake up signals at the appropriate time.

Dear Brain and Body Clock,

I have absolutely no quandary about getting up at a time like 7:30am or 8:00am. In fact
I would be really happy if you woke me up at that time. PLEASE. I LIKE A FULL DAY.

From Min


Another thing is I'm not 100% healthy - I don't know what it is.

but you know that bright feeling where all your senses are really alert and wakeful and you feel energised?

Well I haven't had that feeling for ages. My wisdom teeth have been shoving themselves through my gums for the past two weeks with great vehemence. It gets old really fast. Especially when I'm teething I always come down with some sort of cold or flu.

sDFALSDKJFLAKSDJFLKASDJGLKJSDLKGJSDLAKJGLKSDAJGLKJSDLKGJASLKD

I'm not complaining - I'm not. Just stating the facts. My life is OSM and I DO love it, but I am deeply yearning for more.

See human beings are discoverers. Every single person has the ability inside of them to do more - and more - and more.

We have goals and dreams and when we have reached those we create more goals and dreams.

We have unlimited potential even if we feel like we don't.

In my personal opinion a human being can actually do ANYTHING if they set their mind on it.

So many people don't move forward because they say they can't do something without even trying

I know this cos I am guilty of doing exactly that.

Another reason for not moving forward is laziness (also guilty).

There are so many times during the day where I don't bother doing something I told myself to to, or put it on hold for 'tomorrow' because I don't feel like it.

Actually, its an insanely bad thing to do. Not only are you slowing down your motivation, but you are also constantly telling yourself that you are untrustworthy. This batters self esteem cos you begin to believe that you aren't good enough to be a person someone else can trust - because if you can't uphold your own secret promises to yourself how can you keep promises you gave to other people?

This unbelief in yourself in turn makes you a bad friend, because instead of trying to be loving and giving, you just don't bother putting effort into your friendship and then it's a slow and painful road to a deep and meaningful relationship (if you ever get there).

Isn't it amazing what big consequences the little actions or lack of actions can have on an entire life?

Its just something I've been thinking over the past few weeks. I really want to come to some conclusions.

Just think what a powerful influence for good we could have if we cared as much about our small responsibilities instead of trying to make a huge impression and failing because we haven't built up that stamina.

From what I have gathered from like so far, success in this area boils down to these things:

Caring about the right things
Being generous (because to be quite honest you ALWAYS have something you can give, whether it be money, time, knowledge, love - infinite possibilities)
Having a desire to improve - even if you have to do things you feel are unnecessary to get there (like how can I make my room look nicer if I don't even pick the craploads of clothes that are scattered all over the floor)
Believing that you are created with the potential to overcome - because you most certainly are.

And a HUGE factor in this is selflessness.

Being selfless keeps you from being strangled and inhibited by the voices in your own mind that tell you that you are not a competent member of the world.

Selfish people are the worlds biggest UN-success story, because their lack of generosity halts progress in not only their lives, but also the lives of other people.

You have to remember that you have a responsibility to the people around you - even if you don't want to. The way you behave has a direct and indirect affect on every single person place or thing you come into contact with in your life.

It's a creepy thing, but you ARE being watched. Make sure you are a positive influence on the observers of your life - your attitude could be the thing that causes a chain reaction in the lives of the people around you.

Think about it for a minute - Yep, having a life IS A HUGE DEAL.

Oh and just so you know, I'm not preaching at you here. This blog is kind of a diary written to myself. All this stuff I'm saying is to remind ME of what I can achieve.

BUT

I do sincerely believe it applies to every single human on this planet. We all are on a lifelong learning experience.

There is so much I want to write actually, but I don't want to repeat myself and I don't want this to all seem like a dictionary just vomited all over my blog. So I will stop here and talk about more general life stuff.

THIS WEEK!

Monday was a Bank Holiday, so all my fam tidied ourselves up a bit and went to a place called Beverley to do a lil bit of shopping. Normally on a bank holiday we would go for a walk in the countryside, but the weather was rather drizzly so we opted for shopping instead.

Beverley is such a beautiful place and I wanted to go into a shop called Fatface, which is mainly stocked with surfing and beach type gear and spend all the money I have in the world. That would be silly though, so I just window shopped.

Actually, half of the shops were closed (because it was a bank holiday after all) so we just really meandered up the streets. Enjoying the beauty of this TINY city.

Did you know that in England (I don't know if it's like this anywhere else) if a place has a Cathedral or a Minster it is instantly a City - anywhere else is a town or village or etc. ?

So even though Beverley is very small, it is a city because it has a Minster. Cool ey?

So in the end I didn't buy anything except a book called 'A Picture of Dorian Gray' by Oscar Wilde. This I will read when I go on holiday to Cornwall in a few weeks time. I need to take a pile of books when I go. I always read something like 6 or 7 when I am holidaying - good times.

Last time I was on holiday I read: North and South, The Notebook, The Lovely Bones, A Walk to Remember and this book about mermaids and I've forgotten the title.

After Beverley we went to see grandpa and I crocheted a lot in the car. Dad and I went to see grandma at the old peoples home to and when she saw me she pointed and said,

'OH YES, DON'T THINK I KNOW ABOUT THESE FILTHY LADIES!'

I was like O.O

'GRANDMA I'm your OWN GRANDAUGHTER!'

Then of course she changed her tune and said I was lovely and asked me why I was in a place like this.

Alzheimers is a crazy ass condition - you just have to accept it and laugh, otherwise you'd cry.

On Tuesday I went out for the day with my sisters piano teacher, because she wanted some company - yes, my life has REALLY weird twists and turns.

We went to a place called Helmsley which is a town right in the depths of North Yorkshire. It was so nice to be so entirely surrounded by countryside. The air was fresh and fragrant - I just wanted to sit down and close my eyes and breathe it all in.

but, we walked around the town and went into some art galleries (the art work was just PHENOMENAL and AMAZING and INSPIRING) and bookshops and cafe's.

It was just a really nice day out.

On Wednesday - I woke up at 12:30 -.- Not happy about that. I didn't do much of anything of consequence, was slightly depressed. Judah was over at our house cos Sarah is babysitting him once a week so she can save money for the holiday, she is a good girl.

It was rather an 'I am SO annoyed at my parents day.' I tried not to talk to them because they just annoyed me and I didn't want to say anything I'd regret.

Then I went to bed feeling irritable and I couldn't sleep so I prayed to God in my head for like two hours straight basically just telling Him everything I'm thankful for and everything I'm struggling with and asking for stuff. After that I managed to sleep quite well and I woke up at 9:30 this morning which is still pretty late for me, but MUCH better.

So here I am today, typing this huge ass blog. Mum has made plans with one of her work colleagues - really badly planned plans, which have hooked every member of the family into it without asking so basically hostile feelings are flying around at the moment.

On my part, I have decided just to go with the flow. Even though I don't exactly want to be a part of these plans - I have absolutely nothing else to do and maybe this is a good time to work on my 'having patience skills'.

Oh Jesus help me, I REALLY want to kick off and be a rebel.

BY THE WAY!

I started watching this new J drama which stars Erika Toda and Miura Harauma. ITS AWESOME. SO MY STYLE.

The title is Taisetsu na Koto wa Subete Kimi ga Oshiete Kureta which means, 'I learned all the important things from you.'

The general storyline is this -

Miura Haruma wakes up one morning to discover he has a lady visitor in his bed and he cannot remember at ALL how this came to be.

Anyway he has to rush off because its the first day of school and he's a homeroom teacher.

The viewers soon discover that Erika Toda is Miura's fiacee and also his fellow teacher at the school. They are a very popular couple among the students because they are both young and excellent teachers.

Then of course comes the enormous twist.

As he is calling the name register in class Miura is horrified to discover the girl that was in his bed that morning is actually one of his students!

I've not watched more than one episode, but I think the storyline will cover how he tries to manage keeping the secret, seeing this student in his class everyday and also struggle with the guilt he feels for being unfaithful to his fiancee who he REALLY loves.

And also how the student copes with jealousy and rejection.

It is quite comical in some parts and Miura Haruma is FORCEFULLY DIVINE as well as a really exceptional actor for someone so young. I really love Erika Toda as an actress too, she is gorgeous and amazing.

It's just my kind of storyline. Twisted and completely illegal....with some good life lessons HAHAH

I think I should probably shut the hell up now :P

LATERS LOVELIES

From Min