Future

Its been a funny week.
Not sure what to make of it.
I guess every week in someones life has an effect...the little pieces of the story.
I wrote a few poems these past few days so I thought I'd share one with you.
It's not rhyming and doesn't have structure, but it is raw and from the heart.

Future?

What can I do?

To let you know without letting you know

How can I act?

For you to get the point.

You're winning the game where the prize is my heart.

do you realize it?

Or is this me falling for a bystander?

I could disguise my mind at firstbut the truth is starting to show.

Should I tell myself this isn't real?

I could lie to myself in order to forget you

but it would still be a lie.

Soon something is going to break

Will it be the ties that bind us?

My pride that keeps me from you?

Or my heart when I know that you never saw me...
I'm slowly going crazy

gradually losing my heart to you

Would you accept it if you knew it was yours?

Or would you leave it without a home?

I could never take it back

A rejected heart hurts more than one that has never been given.
So now I'll let nature take its course

And believe that you'll come to meI

hope you are believing for me too.

Sorry if it seems pathetic.

From Min

When I needed you - where did you go?

My parents came home from America today laden with t-shirts. Did anyone know I was an avid collector of t-shirts. You wouln't know the simplest for of fashion could be so entertaining until youve actually tried it....IM OBSESSED WITH T SHIRTS.

Today has not been great though, in fact, I'm pretty depressed. Even to the point of crying - there is no reason for it, I just feel this way.

I think everyone has these days and maybe I'm too self-involved, but I really want to feel happy. Where are all my friends? I wish I could fly away somewhere and just not have a care. Caring makes things harder. because when you care, you make yourself vunerable to dissapointment. I feel unfulfilled and empty and ridiculous. I don't know what to do...I really feel lost. It's tiring always loving other people and getting no love in return. Should I give up?

from a very downcast Min

I'm Expecting!!!!

Uggghhh, it's 1:28am and I should be fast asleep dreaming about Jiyong, but I'm not.

I get my 2nd year results tomorrow (actually, later on today). I'm pretty nervous to tell you the truth. I didn't do too well this year I just know it. I'm just hoping and praying I can scrape a pass.

I'm picking up my wage today too - the one I earned from my short-lived job.

You gotta love life ne?!!!

I'm SO buying that Jiyong t-shirt!!! No-one can stop me...I earned money especially so I could WEAR him...LOL....I'm slightly insane because of extreme tiredness, you will have to forgive me.

Other news:

My parents are going to the U S of A on Monday so me and Sarah will be alone for a week...eeekkk. I'm going to have to act like a responsible adult. You know how hard that is for me?

Also, Me and Leslie are starting to plan the ending of our fic now. I feel sad that it will be over in a few chapters. I've quite enjoyed writing it...buuuttt, I kind of have an Idea for another one up my sleeve...aaannndd, there has been mention of a sequel to Phobia of Love...but, we'll see how it goes.

Oooo yeah, the MV of I Don't Care by 2NE1 came out today (yesterday). Me wonderful Eonnie Zaty gave me the link :D The end part made me laugh, those girls ^ ^

Well, I better get some sleep now...

*sends much love to all corners of the earth*

From Min

P.S. I just have to mention one more thing...KWON JI YONG HAS GORGEOUS LUSH HAIR!!!! I WANT TO FEEEEELLL IT....ahem....

Happiness Gone..Just Like That

I know I already posted somethig today, but you know when there is something on your mind and you just have to say it, well here it is ~

Maybe I'm a fool

but I'm torn at the heart

What began as a blessing

ended as a curse

The memories we share

Seperated us from others

But now that we are apart

They break me up inside

It is a beautiful pain

The reminder of lovely things

And yet, it tells the story of a loss

Other news...I'm despairing...I lost my job...darn weather spoiled the strawberries, so they are keeping all the work for the Romanians who came over. I'm gonna miss them all!!! They were so much fun to work with. I'm kind of attached to them now :'(

Sooo despondent...I need cheering up

Minnie

Dreams, why do they tend to not come true?

I got up at 4:30 again today - stupid farm work, getting me out of bed at the crack of dawn!!!
The great thing was, It rained so I got off waaay earlier than expected, woooo!!!...even though by now, the rain has stopped so the workers who live on the farm will be back in the fields again...poor them XD

I had an amazing dream last night - Big Bang had spare time on their 'UK tour' (just by that alone you can tell it is a dream) so they decided to do a mini concert in the church building we use in Manchester....OMG it was so real!! I felt so excited. And then after the concert they were standing on the steps giving autographs and stuff and all my non-VIP friends were there trying to suck up, even though they probably don't even know what Haru Haru means...grrrr...
Anyway I was just asking Jiyong (yes him) for his autograph, when I realized I didn't have my book with me so I asked him to wait until I got it and as I was walking to get it from my bag I realized he'd followed me....KWON JI YONG had followed me!!! then he waited while I got my drawing book and asked if he could take a look at my work...then he got so close to me...and I mean close. My heart was beating sososososososoooo fast, it was SO real.....but then I woke up. But it was the best dream I've had in a flipping long time....I just can't get over how close he felt hahaha....I'm such a fanatic, but I don't care...big bang is my medicine!!....it's funny how the only member I spoke to in my dream was Jiyong though...well...maybe not too suprising, the amount of time I spend spazzing over him.

Now I have to go to uni and drop off this freaking portfolio...then I'm getting a nice bath and washing every single bit of strawberry smell off my body....I don't see strawberries the same way anymore...lol...they disgust me...

Anyhoo see you soon :D

From Minnie

Swinging Moods, must be something in the Water

I feel weird today.

It's like, I'm hyper, but only because I'm trying to block out this depressed feeling thats trying to grab at me. Maybe it's the warm muggy cloudy weather. I'm not sure about myself today. What is this feeling? Unfulfillment? Aigoo, it's making me moody.

In other news, my bed collapsed yesterday. The story goes -

I had a major spazz fest and then Sarah joined in...and then so did Sam.
Now Sammy's way of spazzing was to grab a bag that was hanging on my bedpost and pull it for all he was worth...which made the bedpost come apart from the bed and cause it all to collapse.
So I have to sleep on the floor until my dad fixes it....Heaven knows when that will be.

Stinking uni just asked me why I hadn't handed in my portfolio for last year. The thing is, they never told anyone to do this so how were we supposed to know? It's freaking annoying because I can't find one of my assignments. Stupid stupid!!!!! Why can't they just let me enjoy summer? I thought I'd got away from in all for a few lush free months!!!

Meanwhile Big Bang are being gorgeous as usual, making this dull day a whole lot brighter for me. They are like the friends I've never met...one day maybe I can haha, I wish!!! I sound like a crazy fan, but I love how they don't call their supporters 'fans'. We are their VIP's....which is kind of like concubines....OMG hahahahahahah, I cracked myself up, what can I say, I'm totally mood swinging today....its like how the mood ring song goes

"Cos when its black means watch your back, because your probably
The last person in the world right now she wants to see...
And when its blue it means that you should call her up immediatly
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree.
And when it's green it simple means that she is really stressed
and when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless
and thats allright I must confesss......."

Haha I love that song is's completely classic. Ahhh!!!! SO fresh, SO cool!!!!!

LIKE BIG BANG - sfkjshdfkjhsdjkhfbczmnbcvyasgdlfga.iweshf/ashdlkfh.hasdlkfhbjdbfgkjvhdsb

I need to spazz, it is my energy source... MY ENERGYYY!!!!! ahahahah big bang are everywhere........I LOVE IT!!!!

I'm loving you all canstantly...be good my crazies!!! Muuuaahhhh

From Minnie

Rain, Sun and more sun....and More Sun

Wow, today has been...wow.

Well first of all I woke up at 5:30 so I could get to work for 6:00, but then I heard really heavy rain on my windows (no not the the guy, I mean actual rain). When I heard it I thought, "What the heck I aint going if it's raining...' and then went back to sleep.

I mean, who does that? You just don't decide not to go to your work if it's raining!!! I must have like been delusional because of tiredness or something.

Anyway, it ended up being ok because, they didn't start until the rain had finished anyway and I ended up only being 1/2 hour late, which is ok, because I totally pwned those strawberries!!!

The thing is, today was the hottest day of the year so far and I was outside unser the blazing sun from 8:00 am to 5:30pm, which means I'm pretty much red raw...my skin feels like it's on FIRE...but it's ok because when it's settles I'll have a nice tan :D

In the middle of the day my dongsaeng Leslie called me and told me Gara Gara Go had come out, and I totally started having a spazz fest in the middle of the field. My dongsaeng was so great though, she played it for me through the phone twice!!! But then she started teasing me, that the video was hella sexy and I couldn't watch it yet, grrrr. Big Bang once again made my day. They are lushies, I adore them.

WhenI got home the whole family decided to take Sam for a walkie in the park and then afterwards we got a McD, which is never bad..

Anyway sorry If I've been blabbing and being boring, but I'm REALLY tired and should be sleeping....I love that I have two days off though, I've got tons of catching up to do. It's suprising what you miss in three days!!!!

Bye for now my gorgeouses

Min